When I Think About You
by InvisibleRainbow
Summary: Adam and Tommy are enjoying a casual movie night, something they've done a thousand times before, but this time everything changes. Will things ever be the same between them?  Warning: Adommy
1. Been Waiting Too Long

Exciting exciting, my second fiction!

A little more... ahem... this time. Hope that at least one person enjoys it! :D

I still don't own anyone or anything other than the words of this story... too bad.

Comment/criticize if you wish!

The song inspiration is Genitorturers cover of "I Touch Myself" by the Divinyls

**Adams POV is in bold**

_Tommy's POV is in italics (the song lyrics are also Tommy's POV, he's thinking of them)_

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**When I Think About You**

**An Adommy Fanfiction**

_I love myself; I want you to love me_

_When I feel down, I want you above me_

_I search myself; I want you to find me_

_I forget myself; I want you to remind me_

**I think I love him.**

_I want him._

**It all started while Tommy and I were watching movies on the couch one night.**

_I finally got up the nerve while Adam and I were watching movies in Adam's hotel room._

**We'd had the day off and we'd spent most if it together, watching old horror flicks and eating ice cream.**

**I get scared easily so I was sitting pretty close to him. When monsters jumped out I'd grab his hand and hide under the blanket that we shared.**

_Adam was being a total baby over the movie and kept huddling against me, squealing like a girl. Not to say that I didn't enjoy it. I did. _

_Every time his skin brushed mine, fire shot through my veins._

_I couldn't help myself._

**It was a calm part during the film when he did it. There I was, just sitting and being normal, when Tommy reaches over under the blanket and runs his fingers over my thigh. Not in a haha this is funny way, in an utterly casually intimate way.**

_The way he was sitting there, oblivious to my inner fire, I just couldn't resist_.

**My body jerked involuntarily at Tommy's gentle touch. I pulled in a breath through gritted teeth as my mind began to spin. What was he doing? We weren't drunk; there weren't people around to freak out. **

**This had never happened before.**

_Adam jumped instantly and his body stiffened at my touch. I heard him draw a shaky breath and I began to gently massage his leg through his jeans, slowly working my way upwards._

**Before I could even gather my thoughts enough to say something, Anything, I felt Tommy's unseen hand begin to lazily move toward my lap. I gritted my teeth even harder, and my breath began to quicken. **

**It took all of my focus to not moan and writhe like a whore under Tommy's insistent hand.**

_As I teasingly drew circles on Adam's inner thigh with my fingertips, he seemed to struggle to stay in control of himself. I leaned my head against his shoulder. I decided to pick up the pace._

**As I sat stiffly, gritting my teeth and trying to calm down, Tommy laid his head casually on my shoulder, nuzzling my neck softly. Did he have any idea what he was doing to me? He needed to stop Soon or the growing problem in my lap would become obvious and I would end up doing something we'd both regret. And yet my lips refused to make words.**

_Why isn't he saying anything? I wondered. I nuzzled his neck again, knowing it to be one of his weaknesses. It drew a soft but noticeable moan from deep in his chest, and an upward glance confirmed a very very flustered Adam. I pressed my lips gently against his neck as my wandering hand finally reached its goal. Jackpot._

**A deep blush worked its way across my face as I sat stunned speechless. Tommy rubbed his head against my neck again and a moan slipped between my parted lips. I flushed even deeper when I noticed Tommy glance up at me with his enormous 'fuck me' eyes. He smirked, SMIRKED, and kissed my neck. If that wasn't enough, his spider-like hand landed directly on my noticeable bulge. He palmed me firmly, and I shuddered, bucking into his hand.**

**"T-Tommy?" I finally managed to say, it coming out as a low moan.**

_Adam totally lost it. He shook all over and thrust up against my hand, moaning my name. I growled softly and, taking his moan as an invitation, began rubbing harder against him._

**Tommy fucking Growled when he heard me say his name. Growled. I gripped the arm of the sofa harshly, and my eyes snapped shut as he began aggressively massaging me through my jeans. What the fuck was happening? I didn't know. And at that moment I honestly didn't care. **

**I lost control. Blinded by repressed lust, I Grabbed his hand and pushed it down harder on myself, thrusting up to meet his movements. I groaned loudly and shudders wracked my frame.**

_Adam pushed my hand down on himself and moaned, writhing against me. I grinned and pulled my hand away. Adam whined at the loss of contact, but before long, I was on his lap, straddling him. Looking into his lust-clouded eyes, I rolled my hips, rubbing my ass against his lap. A sound of pure pleasure ripped itself from Adam's throat, and he pushed my hips down onto him. I smiled to myself. I had him in my clutches, finally._

**It all happened so fast. I never saw it coming. Well that's not entirely true. I'd had feelings for my petite bassist since before the AMAs but he was, and IS, STRAIGHT. Isn't he?**

_I've been waiting for so long._

_I don't want anybody else… when I think about you I touch myself_


	2. Fantasy Becomes Reality

**When I Think About You, Chapter 2**

**Before you could say "Whattaya want from me" Tommy had maneuvered himself onto my lap. His big brown doe-like eyes pierced my heart as he looked directly at me. I grudgingly looked straight into them, searching for some clue as to the motives behind his sudden behavior. **

**My tub of French Silk ice cream was melting and forgotten on the floor. I tried to pull some understandable sentence from the shattered goo that was my brain, but before I could, Tommy began to teasingly roll his hips against me. Some sort of yelp snuck its way past my lips and I grabbed the blonde little demon by the hips and pushed him harder down on me.**

_I wrapped my arms around his freckled neck, moaning and pressing myself against his belly. I squirmed atop him, looking for any sort of friction to ease the burning. He sat still for a moment, collecting himself, but an impatient whine of "Adam," set him off again._

_He gripped my hips harder than before, throwing his head back and moaning. This was getting hot._

_You close your eyes and see me before you  
Think you would die if I was to ignore you  
A fool could see just how much you adore me  
Get down on your knees and do anything for me_

**I thought I had finally bridled my lust, but when I stopped moving, Tommy let loose my name as a high pitched groan and I lost all sense of control. I grabbed him by the waist again and started violently thrusting up against his ass and rubbing him with the heel of my hand. **

**It was all a blur, though the only drug I was on was Tommy. Tommy Joe. **

**The pretty kitty. My STRAIGHT bassist. He let his head fall and pushed his face against my neck, kissing and biting every inch of skin that he could find.**

_Things were getting so hot, so heavy, so quickly. I decided to save Adam from that moment he was rushing towards, and slid down off his lap a bit. His eyes opened slowly and he whined with discomfort at the loss of contact, but he gasped and flushed a deep red when I began to unlatch his belt, and undoing his zipper. I licked my lips slightly in anticipation and freed Adam from the confines of his skinny jeans._

**Just when things were really heating up, Tommy slipped off my lap. I made a thin sound of impatience, but before I could do anything, the little blonde waif was unzipping my pants. I struggled to open my eyes and succeeded just in time to see Tommy lick his fucking lips. He was peering at my crotch like it was a delicious treat that he was just a little bit afraid to try. That fear disappeared though, because Tommy whipped it out and began stroking it lovingly, sending waves of pleasure through my body.**

_I'm the one who makes you come runnin'  
Gets you comin all the time  
When I'm around, you're always beggin'  
I wanna make you mine_

_As I sat briefly immobilized by the mere Size of what Adam had to offer, I was barely aware of the small whimpers I was making. I came to my senses and began to slowly, gently massage him. _

"**Tommy! What… what… are you doing?" I finally managed to speak. This was my fantasy come true, I'd thought about fit so many times… But… I was confused.**

"_I want this, Adam. I think about it all the time. I think about you… I think about touching you… and I touch myself…" I said, using my best sex-kitten voice. By the sudden twitch of Adam's manhood in my hand, I assumed it was working. I picked up the pace, stroking him at an increasing rate. _

**I was rushing towards that cliff of ecstasy. I was almost mad at Tommy for holding back all this time, these months that I've been trying to keep my feelings a secret, letting me sit there and squirm like an ant under a magnifying glass. In a moment of flawed judgment, I pushed the blonde-haired boy back a bit on my lap, and my nimble fingers quickly made their way past his belt and produced him from within his tight skinny jeans. I immediately started pumping him, bringing him along for the ride that he was causing me to experience. He gasped and let his head fall back, his hair drifting back from his face like angel's feathers. He was so beautiful.**

_I could tell that Adam was getting close. He was a wreck, shaking and moaning underneath me. I smiled to myself, quite proud, when he surprised me. I noticed him look up a bit, but before I could do anything, he had my pants undone and was jerking me off. It was so hot. I'd fantasized about this so many times, but I never thought that it would actually happen._

_I don't want anybody else_

_I touch myself_


	3. This Is Happening

Hey guys I'm baaaack again... This short chapter was difficult for me to write... because it's naughty XD

I'm not used to this kind of stuff. But anywhooooo things are really heating up for these two!

Hope you enjoy! Comments/critiques are VERY welcome!

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**I felt myself nearing that one special moment, so I started moving my hand as fast as I could on Tommy. I leaned in and bit his neck, nearly drawing blood, and causing him to explode into my hands. He yelped, and soon was whimpering, "Ohmygod… fuck, oh shiiiiit…. fuck me! Adaaam!"**

**Hearing him say my name sent me over the edge.**

_I love myself, I want you to love me  
When I feel down, I want you above me  
I search myself, I want you to find me  
Forget myself, I want you to remind me_

_Everything moved so quickly. After a few moments, Adam started pumping me faster than I'd ever been stroked before, and suddenly he leaned in and I felt a sharp nip, right on the most sensitive part of my neck. That did it for me. I loosed myself all over him with a string of obscenities pouring from my lips. I moaned his name into his ear, and he twitched at the sound of it. I felt a warmth flood over my hands, and Adam grabbed me and pulled me close. _

**I wrapped my arms around Tommy, pulling him flush against me, our hips fused together. We stayed that way, shivering and panting, until the physical aftershocks ceased to shoot spasms through our bodies. That was when the mental shock set in.**

_As I came down, I noticed a strange change in Adam. He was clutching me against him like a drowning man might hold a life preserver: with intense desperation. I melted against him in the bliss of my afterglow, mewling softly as he ran his hands over my back._

**I couldn't begin to process the consequences of what had just happened. My head was spinning, and I felt ill. Was I dreaming? I could barely believe the situation I was in. Sitting on a sofa, pants unzipped, that certain sweet stickiness all over EVERYTHING, with horror movie sounds in the background… but the hardest part for my lust shattered mind to process was Tommy. Sweet, cute, tiny Tommy. My friend and bassist. My partner in crime… Tommy Joe Ratliff, blonde fringe sticking to his sweat-slicked skin, twiggy lips parted slightly, pretty brown eyes shut… because of me? My beautiful STRAIGHT friend was straddling my hips, totally spent and open. Excuse my French, but what the fuck. I was almost unable to believe it was real. After pulling Tommy against myself for a long moment, I felt small tears of confusion begin to drip from my eyes. Embarrassed, I released my death grip on him, and began to run one of my hands against his back, through his hair, just needing to FEEL him to keep me grounded. This was happening. **

_I touch myself..._


	4. Uncertain Future

Hey guys! The last chapter was super short, and this one isn't MUCH better. But finally it's reached a place where I'm able to set down my thinking cap and let the story rest for a bit.

Are you guys liking it so far?

Feel free to comment/criticize or send me a PM with your thoughts!

I still don't own Tommy OR Adam. I'll work on that soon :P

Anywho, here's chapter 4!

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**When I Think About You**

**Chapter 4**

_After a few minutes of caressing me like a stubborn magic lamp, Adam seemed to calm down a bit._

"_That was AMAZING… ugh… but we really made a mess, didn't we?"_

_I giggled gently at the sight: couch pillows tossed this way and that, Adam's ice cream tub on the floor; its melted contents soaking into the carpet, not to mention the more personal stains seeping into the couch and practically coating the fronts of our shirts… Adam didn't reply, he only looked down, letting his black hair cover his face. _

_Awwwwwwwww, He's BLUSHING, I thought. The ever confident Adam Lambert is blushing like a schoolgirl and can't even speak! That. Is. Adorable. Adam was squirming, obviously getting uncomfortable. _

"_Here, let me take care of that," I whispered in his ear._

**I tried desperately to still my racing mind, with no success. What would happen now? Things will be different. Everything is changing. Yesterday, or even just an hour ago, I'd swear on my mother's life that Tommy was straight. I never even considered any other options. I've been swallowing my feelings for him, like a bitter pill, passing it off as a reasonable attraction that anyone feels when they're around someone that they find attractive. I had never been able to talk about it. It had been eating away me from the inside as if acid had been injected into my beating heart. I was barely aware of when Tommy began speaking, mumbling something about a mess. I felt my cheeks flush, so I let my head fall forwards, my black mane hiding my eyes. I glanced up, and Tommy was examining me. I felt the heat of his gaze traveling across my body, setting a new fire of desire alight in my chest. **

**I almost screamed at what he said next. "Here, let me take care of that…."**

_I licked my lips in excitement as I said those words. I pushed Adam's shoulders back against the sofa, and whispered "STAY." I pulled off my shirt, using it to clean myself off, and I zipped up my pants. I wiped his chest and threw the shirt aside. Smirking and meeting his eyes with mine, I trailed my fingers down his body as I slid off his lap. Once I was on my knees, I grabbed his legs and spread them, slipping in between. I held his hips still with one of my hands, and gently grabbed his spent member with the other. I slowly licked all of the remnants of our fun time from his skin, and zipped up his pants. I climbed back onto the couch and snuggled in beside him._

**Tommy licked it off. All of it. His talented little tongue darted here and there, sending raw waves of pleasure from my oversensitive manhood, and removing every trace of our tryst. And then he just closed my pants, sat back down, cuddled up to me like a cat, and acted like nothing out of the ordinary had happened between us. I couldn't even begin to fathom what was going on inside that pretty little head of his. Nevertheless, I was exhausted from the emotional turmoil that he was causing, as well as in utter bliss just from being near him. I swear I heard him almost purring softly, nuzzling his head against my chest. Against my better judgment, I quietly wrapped my arms around his shoulders and held him close. I guess that's when I finally admitted to myself that I at least have SOME sort of feelings for Tommy. But I guess I knew that all along. **

**The real question was this: what would happen next?**


	5. A Sudden Realization

Chapter FIVE! This is going pretty quickly.

If you like it, show me some love with a comment/message?

I'd love your feedback :P

The centered lines are lyrics from "Can't Fight This Feeling" that Adam is thinking of.

ps: still don't own Adam or Tommy. I'll let you know when I do XD

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"Can't Fight This Feeling"

When I Think About You

Chapter 5

_I just have dozed off for a bit, because I woke up with a start. I was still snuggled against Adam's side, but he only had one arm around my shoulders. With his other hand, he was scribbling in a journal of some sort. He glanced down at me, and gave a little half smile when he saw that I was awake._

"_**Good Morning, sleepyhead!" **__he said, flashing that winning smile again. I felt my heart jump in my chest. _

_That's odd, I thought to myself. Adam is back to his normal cocky glamstar self. _

_I grumbled, feigning frustration at being awoken. _

"_**Oh HUSH! I let you sleep for long enough already.**__"_

_How long have I been asleep? I wondered. I then began noticing the changes in my surroundings that had apparently occurred during my little nap: everything was cleaned up, the ice cream had been scrubbed from the carpet, the couch cushions straightened, the movie wasn't playing anymore… and then I glanced at the raven-haired man that I was leaned against… he hadn't been wearing… PAJAMAS… had he? I suddenly reregistered that the soft skin against my face was bare; Adam wasn't wearing a shirt. _

"_Mmm. Nice…. Pants," I giggled._

"_**Funny, I was about to say the same thing to you."**_

_WHAT? I looked down and yelped… riding low on my hips, because they were quite a bit too loose for me, were a pair of Adam's sweat pants. I sat up quickly, suddenly angry._

"_WHAT the Hell, Adam?" I screeched, blushing furiously. For some odd reason, the idea of him CHANGING MY CLOTHES seemed inappropriate even considering today's events. Hey, sue me, I'm not usually into that touchy feely shit._

"_**Hey hey, calm down glitterbaby. You made a mess all over the couch, and I needed to clean up! I woke you up and gave you the pants and offered to leave the room so that you could change privately, but you wouldn't even open your eyes! You just whined, shoved my hand down your pants, yelling '**__GOD ADAM I touched your DICK today, why the fuck would you need to leave the room? In fact, if you want my pants changed, do it yourself__**!' I assumed that it was okay, since you TOLD me to do it!" **__Adam explained quickly. _

"_Oh… well… I'm sorry for yelling at you… and as for making you change my pants… I'm sorry for that as well. I… don't like to be disturbed when I'm sleeping." I flipped my hair down in front of my face, trying to hide the shame that was darkening my features. I didn't remember a bit of what Adam had just described to me. What I didn't tell Adam was that this was the first time in months that I had slept so soundly. In his arms, the dreams that usually plagued me if I dared to fall asleep never came. _

"_How long was I asleep?" I asked, almost afraid to find out. _

**Tommy fell asleep in my arms pretty quickly. After a few minutes of listening to his even breathing, when I was sure he wouldn't wake up, I slowly eased him down onto the couch. I stood up quietly, peering down at the beautiful man asleep before me. I brushed a strand of his soft blonde hair out of his face, and couldn't resist giving him a peck on the cheek. What a strange thing to do, after everything that just happened between us… but somehow it felt right.**

**I can't fight this feeling any longer...**

** Feeling more than a little motherly, I gave him one last long look before starting my cleaning. I worked the melted ice cream from the carpet, picked up his discarded shirt, and tidied up in general. I changed out of my stained clothes into a pair of soft pajama pants, and got Tommy a pair of my sweats to wear. I went back into the den and turned off the TV. After striding over to the couch, I rubbed Tommy's shoulder gently, saying things like "Tommy… wake up… hey , wake up… I have pants for you to change into. Do you want me to step out while you change?"**

**He responded with a sudden startling movement, grabbing my hand and shoving it down the front of his pants.**

"_**I've touched your dick today; why the fuck would you need to leave? If you want my pants changed, do it yourself," **_**he spat out, his words stinging like venom, and as he spoke the final word, he turned his head away and ignored me. I eyed him warily for a few moments, unsure of how to proceed, but he needed to change and…. Oh well. Here goes nothing, I thought. Cautiously, I did as he said, with little help on his part. Once he was all fresh and clean, I threw his old clothes in a pile and sat back down. He must have been at least partially awake, because within three seconds of my butt hitting the couch, he was back in place, his beautiful face nuzzled against my neck. He pressed as close to me as humanly possible, and sighed. I grabbed my notebook off the end table and began to write. Within seconds, Tommy was asleep again. **

'**Today was a very strange day…' I wrote. I paused, unsure of what to do next. I glanced down at Tommy's face and smiled.**

'**Things happened… And I'm not sure what it means but I know I like it' I scribbled quickly, feeling a blush creep over my face. **

'**I don't know what got into him…but I'm glad that this happened. I never thought about it much before but-' I pause again… I had never before put my feelings about this into words… **

**I can't fight this feeling any longer.  
And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow.  
**

**I put the tip of the pen to the paper, my heart thudding in my chest. **

**What started out as friendship,  
Has grown stronger. **

******I began to write again. I was suddenly more sure of the truth of the words than I had ever been of ANYTHING before. **

**In large, graceful letters, I wrote one last line:**

'**I think I love him.' **

** I only wish I had the strength to let it show**


	6. Fire Inside

Hey peeps! I'm back with another installment of WITAY!

And by the way no matter how hard I try, I can't own Adam or Tommy.

I hope you guys are liking it. Feel FREE to show me some love with some reviews, folks!

Or show me some hate, either way I'll know that people are reading it :D

Anywho... Enjoy!

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**When I Think About You**

"_**You've been asleep for about… maybe… three hours?" Adam replied.**_

"_WHAT?" I gasped. "You…. Haven't been here the whole time, have you?" My cheeks burned with embarrassment. _

"_**Mhm, I have. Except for the 30 minutes that I spent cleaning…" **__he said, as if there was nothing strange about it. He glanced up from his journal when I didn't reply and caught me staring at him. I looked away again, uncomfortable, and when I peeked up through my bangs at him, his eyes met mine unwaveringly. I held my own brown eyes steady, trying to appear as confident as I usually feel. _

"_**Whatcha thinking about?" **__He asked simply. _

"_I didn't snore or anything, did I?" I asked, and he burst into laughter, breaking the tension of the moment. There. Back to normal. All that emotional stuff really doesn't suit me. _

**Tommy asked me how long he had been asleep, and seemed almost scared, or even embarrassed, when I told him. He looked like he was going to cry when I said that I had been here the whole time. While he was asleep, I had been able to calm down. The cool confident super sexy persona that I often adopt onstage had taken over. I knew that bottling up emotions was unhealthy, but I was so used to it that it was almost my first reaction to stress. I went back to writing in my journal, but I soon became aware of the unusual silence filling the room. I raised my gaze, and caught a very flustered Tommy staring right at me. He was frozen in shock for a few moments, unable to react quickly enough to pretend that he hadn't been examining me like some strange alien life form that he wasn't sure was friendly. **

**I winked at him, and he immediately broke the trance and looked away. I was about to go back to writing, but after just a few seconds, with a facial expression like a stubborn teenager trying to be rebellious, he glared directly at me and didn't look away. His eyes showed no emotion. **

"**Whatcha thinking about?" I asked, genuinely curious. **

**For a split second after I spoke these words, the beautiful but strange mask of indifference cracked, and I thought I saw something glimmer beneath it. He looked like something huge was happening between those pierced ears, some emotional storm brewing, but as suddenly as the moment began, it passed. He cracked a silly smile, and said **_**"I didn't SNORE, did I?"**_

**I laughed out loud at that one, and the tension melted away. **

"**Nah, of course not. You did MOAN though! Something like 'oh Adam' I believe." I joked, the mischievous glint in my eye making it clear that I was teasing him. He giggled and shoved me playfully.**

"_**You'd like that, wouldn't you?" **_

**I stuck my tongue out at him, carrying on with the childish game, but inside… my heart was racing. **

**I looked into his eyes, and lost myself in a great ocean of amber. My mood shifted, ever-changing like the desert sands of Egypt, constantly reshaped by the hot dry wind. **

_I was actually relieved when Adam went along with my jokes. It had been getting too serious. I didn't regret my actions, but I didn't like where things had seemed to have been going. It had almost seemed like something was changing. I didn't want that. Can't a boy just have a little bit of harmless fun? I looked at the man before me… I could never deny that he was very attractive. Raven hair, full lips, and eyes to kill for… but it's not like this was the first time I'd done something with a guy. I'd been with guys, no big deal. I was horny, they were there. Hey, I'd even cared about a few of them, but it never changed anything. I never wanted anything else from those men, and they never tried to make it into something it wasn't. _

_This was no different, was it?_

_I kept a steady gaze into Adam's eyes, searching for an answer in a sea of blue. No. I was sure. This was the same as all of the other times. I may like boys, but I'd never even considered anything more than a casual fling. I've seen my fair share of failed relationships, and I think it's just NOT for me. Not now. Besides, Adam feels the same way, right?_

_He must, or this would have happened sooner. I had been practically throwing myself at him for months with no reaction from him. _

_So it's settled. _

**Something was changing. I couldn't read any emotions in Tommy's chocolate eyes, but I could tell that he was thinking hard. His eyes seemed to glaze over, his mind obviously elsewhere. He was still looking directly at me but he wasn't seeing me. I raised an eyebrow, wishing for the power of mindreading to tell me what was going on behind the dusky windows to his soul. **

**I broke the stare to ogle his face. It was all porcelain skin, silky hair, high cheekbones… and those soft lips. No one could deny that he was beautiful. All of his features were intensified by his enormous copper eyes. Oh, those eyes. They captivated me. **

**A rush of pleasant emotions rushed through me as I gazed into them, but all of this was forgotten as Tommy shattered my world with a single action. **

**He licked his plump little lips, reached a slender hand up to my cheek, and let a finger trail down my face and along my jaw. The room seemed to heat up instantly. **

_I feel a burning emotion darken my cheeks, making my heart beat._

_It's not love. It's not fear. It's not shame. _

_It's so simple yet so hard to control._

_I want him._

_You got something that I really want and  
Come here; oh we don't even have to talk and  
Lay back, and let me tell you what I'm thinking…  
Cause I like you, Cause I like you. _


	7. An Unfamiliar Emotion

**When I Think About You**

Chapter 7

Tommy's POV

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_I want him._

… _I ran a finger down Adam's face. _

_I smiled internally, watching as emotions flickered behind his eyes like scenes on a television screen. __On the outside I put on my best show. We were still sitting on the couch, and he was sitting sideways with his legs tucked to one side. Feeling rather cocky, I gave him my best playful smile, and slowly crawled closer to him. He sat stock still, eyes wide. Once I reached him, I slid a hand under his legs, gently encouraging him to stretch them out along the couch. He numbly obeyed, like a man in a trance. I straddled his legs on all four, grabbed his shoulders, and pulled him until he was almost flat on his back. _

_I just went with my instincts. _

_I did what felt right. _

_Staring intensely into his electric blue eyes, I lowered my torso onto him, keeping my hips in the air, rolling my hips teasingly. I pressed against him, nuzzling his neck and breathing in his wonderful scent. He was moaning, his sublime voice echoing in the empty room, and I was panting slightly. I slowly lowered my hips until I lay atop him, my legs to each side, my face nuzzled against his shoulder. Adam's breath hitched as I moved sensuously atop him. I shuddered, my heart beating an impromptu solo in my breast. He was so beautiful. I looked up into his baby blues, and my heart skipped a beat. He reached down and stroked my hair, and I moaned, leaning into his touch. I ran my hands over his chest, feeling every contour of the tanned skin. Every part of my body smoldered, I felt as if I would never cool down. My breath came faster with every second that passed. _

_I couldn't calm down. This wasn't like me. I couldn't control myself. What was wrong with me? I wondered. _

_Look at me, I thought. Here I am, writhing like a whore on top of him, without even asking him if it was all right. I want him… but do I really want This? _

_I tilted my face up, and captured his lips with my own. The torrent of emotions that the kiss set loose within me caught me off guard. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I realized that this wasn't like the rest of the times. Adam wasn't like anyone I'd ever met before. There was nothing ordinary about him. He was indefinable. Something was different this time around… All of these thoughts had passed through my mind in an instant, and were quickly forgotten, but they took their emotional toll. Pain coursed through my heart, and confusion clouded my mind. _

_I let my body fall back on top of Adam's with a whimper of frustration, snuggling as close as I could. Fitting against him as perfectly as a matching puzzle pieces, I felt his heart beating in time with mine. He shifted slightly, so that we were on our sides on the large sofa, and wrapped his strong arms around me, running his fingers through my hair comfortingly. He kissed the top of my head, the simple gesture causing havoc in my heart. _

_What was happening to me, I wondered?_

_I had never felt like this before. _


	8. Whispered Words

**When I Think About You**

Chapter 8

**All of my composure and dignity was shattered by that lingering touch. The room grew fuzzy; the background noise of the city faded. Everything slowed to a crawl. **

**I could almost hear the beating of my own heart. The room around us seemed to disappear. Nothing else was real. Thoughts rampaged within me, leaving me numb and stunned in their wake. All I could see was Tommy. He was moving towards me. I felt my legs being pulled out from under me, and the next thing I knew, I was on my back. Hovering above me was the golden haired angel himself. The one that, before today, I would have thought was my straightest, most unreachable crush. How could I be so wrong?  
**

I was living for a dream,

Loving for a moment…

Taking on the world, that's just my style.

**This entire time, I've been looking for someone to love; someone who didn't love me because of my name; someone who cared about ME. I had been searching, and yet I didn't even consider the ones closest to me. But now…  
**

Now I look into your eyes…

I can see forever; the search is over.

You were with me all the while.

**But before I could finish that thought, Tommy was rubbing up against me. He wagged his hips teasingly. His hair was in my face and his soft lips were on my neck. Soft sounds were wrenched from me. I felt Tommy's warm exhalations on my neck as he pressed his hips down against mine. For a long moment, I couldn't breathe. He shivered and looked into my eyes, making my head spin.**

**Unable to keep still any longer, so full of excitement and confusion and affection that I might explode, I twisted my fingers into his bleached locks and pulled gently. This earned a long moan from my glitterbaby, and his calloused fingers danced across the bare skin of my chest. I could feel his excitement through the leg of my pajama pants, but be seemed to be growing more and more agitated by the second. I was still numb from my internal warfare, so I had hardly noticed his discomfort until he kissed me.**

**I suddenly felt soft pink lips on mine. Tommy shuddered and shoved his tongue halfway down my throat, but I was too shocked to return the kiss. He twitched and pulled away. Making a think keening sound of misery, he let his full weight drop onto me. He clung to me like a lost child and wouldn't let go. Waves of pleasure shot through me at the contact, but far more overpowering was my sense of protectiveness. What was wrong? I rolled us over a bit and just held him in my arms, unsure of what to do.**

**A flood of motherly protective instincts rushed through me as I smoothed his hair back from his face.  
**

Now at last I hold you, now all is said and done…  
The search has come full circle;  
Our destinies are one.

**Combing his golden locks back with my fingers, I get an urge to do something I've never even thought of doing before.  
**

So if you ever loved me,  
Show me that you give a damn.  
You'll know for certain  
The man I really am.

**My heart raced in my chest as I gathered myself. **

**I kept stoking his hair, and held him close. In a moment of pure emotion, I kissed the top of his head gently. **

**The room span and my head swam as the minutes passed. After a few minutes, (or an hour, I honestly couldn't tell you. I was too intoxicated with being so close to him.) Tommy's breathing was slow and even. He was asleep in my arms again. **

**Now was the perfect time.**

**Feeling lower than dirt, but so infatuated that it was insane, I finally did it. **

**I was careful not to wake him. Nuzzling into the sleeping boy's hair, I took a deep breath and whispered the words that would change everything…  
**

* * *

_I was almost asleep when Adam pressed his face into my hair, breathing deeply. I almost spoke, but thought better of it. He probably thinks I'm asleep, I told myself, and I don't want to embarrass him. I stayed still as he lifted his head slightly, and I heard his shaky words. I would pay for my decision to feign sleep.  
_

* * *

**After a difficult moment of hesitation, I did it. **

**I leaned down to his ear, and whispered those three words into my glitterbaby's sleeping ear. **

I was living for a dream, loving for a moment.  
Taking on the world, that was just my style.  
Then I touched your hand, I could hear you whisper…

"**I love you."**

The search is over, love was right before my eyes.


	9. Fear is Silent

**Hey! Back for more, hm? Feel free to leave me reviews, I'd be very thankful.**

**Enjoy!**

When I Think About You

Chapter 9

_Some say silence is golden, but this time it was pitch black and stank of sulfur. _

_It took all of my willpower to not scream.  
Trying to still my beating heart, I kept my breathing slow and steady.  
Bile began to rise in my throat as waves of nausea pass through me.  
Adam's whispered proclamation sent jolts of panic shooting along my spine.  
_

_As the sun set and the room darkened, I felt Adam's even breaths against my face; he was asleep.  
My heart continued slamming in my chest with such force that it almost hurt.  
I huddled against his strong frame, finding ironic comfort in his arms.  
My mind was racing at light speed.  
_

_I hadn't been laying there for more than a few minutes, fear coursing through my veins, when I was startled by a warmth running down my cheeks.  
_

_I was crying. _

**We must have fallen asleep, because I was startled awake by a dream and found myself still on the sofa.  
**

* * *

**I almost sat up in confusion until I recognized the warmth of a body next to mine. Tommy. He was clinging to me like a baby monkey and was completely dead asleep. Looking down at him, a warm tide of love swelled in my heart. Beautiful Tommy. I smiled, so thankful to have him in my life. I wasn't sure what was happening between us, but it didn't matter. Suddenly my whispered words returned to me; the three words that I spoke to Tommy while he was asleep. I'm such a coward… but those words cemented the truth. I cared about this boy. **

* * *

**Without moving, I looked at the room around us. It was much darker than I remembered it being. I couldn't believe that we, two grown men, fell asleep on the couch like teenagers sneaking behind their parent's backs. Slowly, I untangled myself from Tommy's grip and stood up. I couldn't let him sleep on the couch and be sore in the morning. Tomorrow was going to be a busy day for the band, and I couldn't let my glitterbaby be all tired and sore! After a few minutes of silence, assuring myself that he was still asleep, I reached down and gently scooped him into my arms. I stood up, holding Tommy as a husband carries his bride. That made me blush, and I quickly shoved the thought into the back of my mind. Tommy moaned slightly, but he was still asleep.  
**

**Smiling again, I carried him into the bedroom and pulled the covers back with one hand. I laid him down on the plush bed, smoothing the hair out of his face, and pulled the covers over him. I stepped back and watched him for a few moments. He looked like an angel, his face relaxed and his lips parted slightly. Unsure of what to do, I simply climbed into the bed on the other side, maintaining a respectful distance of about a foot.  
**

**A few moments later, Tommy moaned again in his sleep, and rolled towards me. He immediately wrapped his arms around me and pressed his body flush against mine, chest to chest. I let my arms go about him as he pulled even closer, mumbling in his sleep.  
**

**I smiled, and felt tears gather in my eyes.  
**

**What had Tommy murmured?  
**

**It was one simple word.**

"**Adam." **


	10. Mornings Bring Wood?

**When I Think About You**

**Chapter 10**

_Light poured in through the think curtains, burning my sleep fogged eyes as soon as I opened them. My swollen lids snapped back shut and I groaned softly. For a few moments, I just laid there, moaning slightly in discomfort until the sleepy disorientation faded. The first fact that snapped into place was that I was in a bed. This seemingly inconsequential detail was made very relevant when I became aware of a warm weight surrounding me. My heart jumped in my chest, and I could barely suppress a yelp of surprise. _

_After a few deep breaths, I got up the nerve to open my eyes. Less than an inch from my eyelashes were the smooth freckled contours of Adam's muscled shoulders. I shivered lightly at the heat of our embrace. His arms were wrapped around me and his chin rested just above my head… But the more startling discovery that my refreshed mind quickly made was MY position. _

_My chest was pressed tightly against Adam's. My arms were around his waist, pulling him closer, and one of my legs was draped over his. Our groins were pressed tightly together. I was practically glued to him in a position that could have only happened with my eager if unconscious participation. I felt something stir in my pants, and a dark flush of mortification shrouded my features. _

_Oh god. _

_The loose sweats that Adam let me borrow were suddenly very tight. _

_Not now, I thought. This was NOT the time for an unwelcome morning problem._

_I let a low moan slip through my lips, and began to squirm slightly, seeing if there was any way to fix this situation, but Adam and I were entirely tangled up in our web of limbs and HEAT. I couldn't separate myself from him without it being extremely conspicuous. I prayed for him to stay asleep._

**I was lying awake in bed, Tommy pulling me against him like a catholic clutching a crucifix, when he began to stir. I smiled gently, but decided to pretend to be asleep. I wanted to see what he was going to do.**

**He groaned loudly in reaction to the light of the room, and lay as motionless as a corpse in my arms for quite a while. I smile again, remembering how Tommy sometimes was nearly impossible to wake up. I was about to say something when Tommy jumped slightly in my arms, seeming to take notice of his position for the first time since he woke up. I laid as still as possible, breathing evenly even when he shivered and moaned in my arms, pulling me ever so slightly closer. **

**As his hips pressed into mine, he must have noticed the little problem that had been pushed against me for the past twenty minutes or so, because he suddenly twitched and I could feel his face heat up against my neck. I had to hold back a laugh, because within two seconds, Tommy groaned in pure despair. I had to force myself to stay still as he started wiggling around a bit, seemingly trying to escape his current situation. However, his movements caused his pants to tighten further, so with a resigned sigh he collapsed back against me. It felt so good. Just being near him… It was ecstasy. But being in THIS position with him, after everything that happened yesterday…**

**I mumbled, groaned, (still pretending to be asleep,) and rolled my hips against his ruthlessly. A whimper escaped his lips before he bit them harshly, and I heard him curse under his breath. His noises sent little jolts of electricity down my spine and to my groin. I moved a bit more, pretending to be seeking a more comfortable position, and pulled him closer against me before closing my eyes again. **

**I never wanted this simple moment to end. **

**My heart was swollen with emotion and a silly little song sprang to mind. **

**It played in my head as I drifted back into a deep slumber.**

I'm sleeping  
And right in the middle of a good dream  
Like all at once I wake up  
From something that keeps knockin' at my brain.  
Before I go insane I hold my pillow to my head  
And spring up in my bed  
Screaming out the words I dread:  
"I think I love you!"


	11. Falling

Here's Chapter 11 of WITAY! The Lyrics are not mine, they're from "I Think I Love You"

Enjoy!

* * *

**When I Think About You**

**Chapter 11**

_Fuck. Me. _

_I had lain in bed with my god damn morning wood jammed against him for almost long enough to go insane. Thoughts raced at dangerous speeds through my head, but the sedative effect of Adam soon took its toll and I found myself dozing off. _

**After I slept for a while longer, I slipped out of Tommy's grasp. Looking at the nightstand, I saw that it was almost 8 am. A slightly sour smell drifted to my nostrils, and I grimaced; I needed to shower. Now. Groaning slightly in disgust, I got all of my toiletries and a change of clothes together and took them to the bathroom. After a moment of hesitation, I got clothes for Tommy too: his skinny jeans, one of my shirts, socks, and his shoes. Walking back to the bed, I peered down at his sleeping form. His blonde hair was messy, his pale cheeks were flushed, and his lips were parted. I smiled and quietly laid his clean clothes on the side of the bed. I scribbled a little note on the hotel stationary on the nightstand and left it by the clothes. After one final gaze at my glitterbaby, I scurried to the bathroom to get cleaned up.**

_I was roused by the sound of the shower turning on. Ugh. I cautiously opened my eyes and felt a pang of regret when I saw the empty bed beside me. Wait, I thought, why does that bother me? I pushed those thoughts away as I stretched, moaning lavishly. The light coming in the window was even brighter than I remembered, and it stung my eyes. Throwing the covers off of me, I slowly sat up. I ran my fingers through my tangled blonde fringe and glanced at the empty bed. There was a neat little pile of clothes and a note. _

_Recognizing Adam's handwriting at once, I snatched up the slip of paper and read it. _

**Tommy-**

**Good morning glitterbaby! I'm in the shower!**

**Ha-ha. Here are some clothes for you to wear today. **

**I had your pants washed last night (I'm sneaky, huh?) and **

**the rest are just some loaners from me. Wear them.**

**See you in a bit!**

**~Adam Lambert ;)**

_I smiled and ran my fingers over the fabric of the clothes. Feeling rather strange, I got out of bed and slipped out of my clothes, pulling on my jeans and Adam's shirt. When I realized just which shirt it was, my heart nearly stopped. _

_Oh God. _

_It was one of Adam's ever-famous Queen T-shirts. _

_I giggled, picturing the band's faces when they saw me walk in wearing one of Adam's beloved T's. Slipping on the socks and shoes, I made my way out of the bedroom. _

_I paused at the hallway mirror, looking at my reflection confusedly. What was going on? I applied some eyeliner (I always keep some handy) and smiled at myself. What was this emotion? I was giggling like a girl! This wasn't like me. _

_This morning_

_I woke up with a feeling_

_I didn't know how to deal with. _

_I remembered Adam's whispered words, and my heart tried to jump out of my chest. _

_And so I just decided to myself _

_I'd hide it to myself and never talk about it. _

_Looking at myself in the mirror, feeling more insecure than I ever had before, I felt tears slip down my face. _

_And didn't I got and shout it_

_When you walked into my room_

_This couldn't be happening! I thought to myself._

_I was falling for him. _

"_I think I love you."_


	12. Listening

Hey guys and gals!  
I'm in an amazing mood right now, so I decided to post this a bit earlier than usual!  
I'll probably have another chapter out by tonight, too!  
I bring you Chapter 12 of WITAY!  
Things are getting *STEAMY*  
I hope you guys are still enjoying this!  
This is one of the first chapters without a song... aww...  
Still don't own the boys though.  
Enjoy!

**When I Think About You**

**Chapter 12  
**

**I moved under the hot spray of water, letting my hands travel over every inch of freckled skin. I grabbed my body wash and poured a generous amount onto the hotel's washcloth, scrubbing every particle of dirt from my skin. When I felt clean, I washed and conditioned my skin, and made sure to wash my face. I could hear Tommy moving around in the bedroom over the sound of the shower. Damn, that boy was loud. I smiled, love filling me so fully that I felt I would explode. My heartbeat picked up its pace. Just thinking about my glitterbaby could make my heart race.  
**

**I pictured him asleep, his relaxed face so beautiful, and felt blood rush to my face… among other places. My face darkened further with embarrassment.  
**

**I shook my head, trying to purge my mind of these sinful thoughts, and concentrated on re-washing my hair. I heard Tommy's footsteps stop outside the bathroom and heard him mumble something. Oh god, he's looking in the mirror on the door, I thought. I saw his shadow in the crack underneath. The thought of him being so near caused blood to rush even quicker, and I could feel my hands drift downwards almost of their own accord. Leaning back into the wall of the shower, I wrapped my hand around myself, slowly rubbing along the length. Shame burned in my mind, but there was a far more demanding fire in my chest. I tilted my head back, letting the water wash over my face… remembering. My hand moved faster and a low moan trailed from my lips.**

_I was standing in front of the bathroom door, staring at the tears sliding down my cheeks in my reflection, when I heard him groan. My eyes snapped towards the noise, and I felt my skinny jeans tighten._

_Fuck!_

_What was up with me? I hadn't been THIS sensitive since I was a fucking teenager!  
_

_My cheeks began to heat up as I glanced way from the door, feeling like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar.  
_

_But… Adam's voice sounded… so… Hot. I couldn't resist. I took a step closer, pressing my ear against the door. I could hear Adam's heavy breath over the sound of water, and it drew a moan from deep inside of me. My hand slid down to my straining zipper and underneath my pants.  
_

**My breathing grew ragged as pressure built inside of me. I closed my eyes, my free hand gripping my thigh as I sped towards release. I thought of Tommy, his big doe eyes, of Tommy coming apart on top of me… and that did it.**

_I heard Adam's sounds grow in volume as I pumped myself. When I heard him yelp, warmth flooded over my hands. I nearly collapsed right there, my knees wobbled, and I leaned back into the door.  
_

_Once I could breathe again, I stumbled back into the bedroom to get cleaned up and ready to leave.  
_

_I pushed all thoughts of Adam from my mind. It was impossible. It would never work, and I needed to get that through my thick skull._

_Yet… it was his face that I saw every time I closed my eyes. _


	13. Keeping You a Secret

**When I Think About You**

**Chapter 13**

_I could feel all eyes on me as Adam and I walked into the room. I stood awkwardly in silence until Adam broke the tension with a joke. As he began to talk to the band about the day's planned activities, almost everyone paid attention. Almost. With a nearly perfect expression of innocent curiosity, Monte unleashed a storm._

**I had been explaining the day's plans for a few minutes, but I was taking a sip of water when Monte spoke. **

"_So… it's official now? You guys are FINALLY admitting it?" he asked with a smirk._

**I sputtered, nearly choking, and proceeded to spit water everywhere. Wiping my mouth with my hand, I flushed a deep red and stared at the ground. **

_Adam, always so smooth in normal circumstances, flipped shit when Monte asked us his little question. He spewed water all over the place and nearly choked. I shot him a meaningful glare. He stared at me like a deer caught in headlights. I shoved him gently, calmly replying to Monte._

"_It's official that you jump to conclusions, Monte." _**Tommy said, his voice as cool as ice. My heart dropped. **

"_And what exactly is it that I'm supposed to be admitting?" _

_I'll admit, my words were cruel and dripping with venom, but I didn't mean to hurt anyone with them. I was just reacting to being put on the spot so heartlessly. _

"Well… you guys came in together, all friendly looking… and the shirt…" _Monte trailed off, looking embarrassed._

_Adam was still frozen, his expression pitiful. He looked as if he had been hit by a truck. I grabbed his wrist tenderly and pulled him further into the room. _

"_Not that it's any of your business, but Adam was kind enough to lend me a shirt. Mine was stained." I explained, setting my things down on a table. _

_I glanced around the room and everyone suddenly looked away, pretending to be busy. Nudging Adam gently in the ribs, I pulled him aside and out of view of the others. _

"_You can keep this to yourself, right?" I asked._

_He stared into my eyes, dumbfounded._

"_**I…**__"_

"_Oh, hush," I murmured, pressing my lips into his. _

"_Now let's go, before they get suspicious."_

**I couldn't believe it. **

**I thought something had changed. **

**But as Tommy walked away smiling, I realized…**

**I guess I was wrong.**


	14. Can't Let You Go

I'm sorry for leaving off in such a bad place last time. I'm the devil.  
Anyways.. here's chapter 14... the song used is 'Can't Let You Go' by Adam Lambert.  
Let me know what you guys think? I need some support right now. This gosh darn story is getting hard to write for me. But I digress...  
Enjoy the story!

****

When I Think About You

**Chapter 14**

**The rest of rehearsal passed in a blur, and as soon as it was over I made a beeline for the door. My head was swimming and I just needed to be alone. I burst through the doors into the cool night air, but I was grabbed roughly by the shoulder and spun around to face a very concerned Monte.**

"Dude, what the fuck is going on? You're not right today," He asked, his face a mask of pity.

"**N… nothing, Monte. You heard Tommy. Nothing is going on." I screeched, wrenching out of Monte's grip and running off to the car. **

**The ride back to the hotel went by in the blink of an eye, and before I knew it I found myself collapsed on my bed, sobbing like a child. **

**I loved him.**

Guess it was not meant to be…

**I grabbed my journal (I took it everywhere with me) and started scribbling frantically in it.**

But it's not as bad as it seems…

It only burns when I breathe. Yeah…

**'I. Don't. Understand. I thought something was happening between me and Tommy.'**

You saw the way that I fell

But I'm better off by myself.

That's the tale I like to tell… 

**'The whole time I've known him… I've sat here in silence, my feelings for him bottled up inside… I've listened to him complain about fucking girls, and I've never batted an eyelash at it.'**

But it's not that easy for me to say goodbye.

Everything in me wants you back in my life.

Can't let you go.

Can't let you go.

**In a fit of juvenile despair, I flop onto the bed and scream into the pillow as loud as I can. How could this be happening? I loved him. SO much. How could he DO this to me?**

Feels like the dawn of the dead…

Like bombs going off in my head.

Never a moment of rest… yeah.

**'I've tried so hard to be what he wants… I guess I shouldn't assume that he feels the same way I do.'**

Nothing kills more than to know

That this is the end of the road.

And I know I've got to let go… ooohh

**Pain ripped through my heart, and I yelped, my tears flowing anew. **

But it's not that easy for me to say goodbye.

And everything in me wants you back in my life.

Can't let you go.

Can't let you go.

Can't let you go.

Can't let you go…

**'I guess I was the one who jumped to conclusions. How could I ever believe that something so RIGHT could happen to ME? I've had my fair share of good luck. It's selfish of me to expect any more. I guess I just got carried away…'**

I paused, feeling the tears flow down my cheeks and onto the page.  
There was an ache in my chest that kept growing stronger.

My heart was breaking.

'I should just forget about him.'

Wish I could just find a way

To have all your memories erased

Cause constantly they're haunting me…

**I rolled over in the bed, my face looking swollen and red in the dim light. Soon, the sandman came and pulled me into a restless sleep. **

But it's not that easy for me to say goodbye…

Everything in me wants you back in my life….

**I dreamed of my baby.**

Can't let you go.


	15. Only Reminds Me Of You

Let me know what you guys think! I'm getting discouraged! D:

Lyrics are from MYMP's cover of Only Reminds Me Of You

**When I Think About You**

**Chapter 15**

_I fucked up. _

_After our little chat, Adam acted strangely. His vocals were off, and he just lacked his usual energy. The whole band picked up on it, and Monte shot me a few accusing looks over the course of rehearsal, as Adam's mood darkened further._

_I'll admit that I might have been a little harsh to Monte in front of the band, but it needed to be said. I didn't know why that would bother ADAM. It had just spoken the truth, hadn't I? I mean, he knew as well as me that there wasn't anything real between us, right?_

_However, when I saw him run out the door like he had the devil's hounds on his heels when, I wasn't so sure. I made sure to be slow getting my things together, and I was the last one in the room. I picked up my bass and headed towards the door, completely unaware of the ambush waiting for me outside. _

_My foot had barely crossed the threshold when I was jumped. Monte's furious face suddenly loomed in front of mine. _

"_What the FUCK did you do, Ratliff?" He bellowed. His face was red and there was no doubt that he meant business. _

"_What're you-" I said, but I was cut off by his voice._

"_Don't treat me like an idiot. Don't think I didn't notice. Adam was one step short of hysterical, Tommy! I don't care what you two do behind closed doors, but I will NOT stand by while you hurt my friend."_

"_Monte… I…" I stuttered and my cheeks flushed with shame as tears collected in my eyes._

"_I do NOT want to hear it right now. Just… whatever you did… FIX it. Okay?" he snapped, practically snarling. I watched as he stormed off, leaving me alone. _

_Feeling attacked and very defensive, I kicked a stone into the side of the building. I cursed under my breath when my foot struck the wall and fell to my knees. _

_I leaned my forehead against the rough bricks and felt tears begin to slip down my cheeks. _

_What had I done?_

"_I'm… such an idiot." I said to myself. _

_I closed my eyes, and saw his face._

I see you beside me  
It's only a dream  
A vision of what used to be

_Splendid, Tommy. Just great. Way to fuck up the only good thing you have going in your life. _

The laughter, the sorrow  
Pictures and time  
Fading to memories

_I slammed my fist against the bricks in frustration. Why was I always so STUPID? Why do I always hurt everyone? _

How could I ever let you go?  
Is it too late to let you know?

_I didn't even notice when blood dripped from my abused knuckles. The pain inside my chest was numbingly intense. After a few moments, I realized how late it was. I stood up quickly, hailed a cab, and before I knew it I was outside the door of my hotel room._

I tried to run from your side  
But each place I hide

_I opened it with my keycard, and whimpered at the familiar sight. _

It only reminds me of you

_The entire band had identical suites. The only thing differentiated this room from the one I spent the night in was my shit laying everywhere._

When I turn out all the lights  
Even the night  
It only reminds me of you 

_I walked through the den area, trailing my finger along the couch, and remembered last night. Adam's hair in my face, his voice in my ears…_

I needed my freedom  
That's what I thought

_I couldn't believe that I did this to you, Adam. I thought to myself. _

But I was a fool to believe  
My heart lied while you cried

_I truly was the most selfish person in the world. My heart jumped painfully as I let my hand leave the fabric of the sofa. A ghost of Adam's voice whispered in my ear, "I love you." I felt my cheeks grow wet and for a moment I was confused. _

_I was weeping. _

Rivers of tears  
But I was too blind to see

_I thought back through the last few months. I couldn't believe that I had myself convinced that nothing was changing between us. _  
Everything we've been through before  
Now it means so much more 

_I think of all the days we spent together, just the two of us… all of the kisses we shared onstage and occasionally off. All of the gentle touches, the loving looks we exchanged… How could I lie to myself for so long?_

I tried to run from your side  
But each place I hide  
It only reminds me of you.

_I stepped into the bedroom, and felt the tears flow like a river._

When I turn out all the lights  
Even the night  
It only reminds me of you. 

_I quietly stripped out of my clothes, flipped the light switch, and got into the bed. _

_Never before had I felt so alone. _

Only you..

_I missed the feeling of strong freckled arms around me. Whimpering, I snatched a pillow and hugged it against me. His face swam behind my eyes as I squeezed them shut._

So come back to me  
I'm down on my knees  
Boy, can't you see?

_My tears dampened the sheets as I sobbed into the pillow, my heart shattering into a million pieces within my chest. _

How could I ever let you go?  
Is it too late to let you know?

_I wasn't aware of opening my mouth, but suddenly I heard myself sobbing his name over and over again._

_I slammed my fist into the headboard and yelled the words that I have been hiding from myself for months._

I tried to run from your side  
But each place I hide  
It only reminds me of you.  
When I turn out all the light  
Even the night  
It only reminds me of you, you  
Only reminds me of you

**I was awoken by the sound of someone crying from the room beside me. Momentarily confused, I tried to think about who it could be, but when I heard my name everything was clear. **

**It was Tommy. **

**But why was HE crying?**

**My eyes stung, and I knew I was going to look like shit in the morning. **

**A sudden slam directly in front of me startled me out of my thoughts, just in time to hear the words that he moaned shrilly. **

**My heart jumped at the sound of them. **

"**Adam, I fuckin' LOVE you." **


	16. Everything That I Want

When I Think About You

**Chapter 16**

**Part A**

* * *

Monte' POV = Normal text

I had almost fallen asleep when someone hit the wall. I looked over, trying to remember who was in the room beside me. Oh yeah. Tommy Joe fuckin' Ratliff. Sighing, I got up and wobbled over to the door and into the hallway. From here I could hear quiet crying coming from TWO rooms. Tommy's and… Adam's. Shit. I paused for a few moments before making my way to Lane's room. She had all the extra keycards, and I needed one. I knocked quietly, and within a couple of seconds she was at the door.

"What?" She asked, her face blank.

"I think you know," I stated simply, nodding towards the duo's room.

"Could I bother you for a key to Adam's room?"

"Sure yeah whatever. He's kept me up all night with his crying anyways," she said, rubbing her eyes. "One sec." She disappeared into the room for a few seconds and came out with two cards and… earplugs. "Here, you never know with these two. They might argue all night," She said, handing me the items.

"Thanks," I mumbled.

"No problem." She shut the door.

I strode back down the hall to Tommy's room. I could hear him in there crying like a baby. There was no answer when I knocked, so I opened his door with the keycard and stepped inside.

"Tommy, it's me," I whispered.

"Oh Monte, go AWAY," he yelped, pulling the covers over his head.

"Hey, chill. I brought you something," I muttered. I didn't like seeing him this way. His curiosity must have gotten the best of him, because he peeked out of from under the covers. I groaned at the sight of him. His eyes were swollen, and his makeup was running down his cheeks. He looked every bit like a dumped girlfriend. Shaking my head, I walked over to him.

"I'm not meddling, man, but I do believe I told you to fix this and you didn't… So…" I couldn't resist. My paternal instincts came out seeing the boy in this shape. I laid my hand on his head and gently pushed the hair from his face.

"But… you're acting like a child… so I'll treat you like one." I handed him the key card. "This is to Adam's room. He's still awake. Crying. Because of you," I shot him a meaningful glare. "Go to him. Do whatever you have to…. Just…. Fix this."

He took the card and gazed up at me, trying to look strong.

"_T-thanks," _he said, his voice somber.

"No problem. Now go," I said, tugging the barely clad boy from his bed and dragging him into the hallway to Adam's door.

"You better get your skinny ass in there before some paparazzi photographer catches you half naked outside his hotel room. The fans would love that, hm?" I chuckled, went back to my room, put my earplugs in… and slept like the dead.

* * *

**When I Think About You**

**Chapter 16**

**Part B**

_I had almost calmed down when Monte came into my room, scolded me gently, and dragged me to Adam's door. In my UNDERWEAR. He left me standing there with a key and a warning to hurry. I stood shivering in the cool air of the hallway for a few minutes before quietly unlocking the door and slipping inside. I was assaulted by his scent and almost broke down right there… but I knew that this might be my last change. My last chance to win my babyboy back…. For good. _

_I crept into his bedroom. _

_He was laying facedown in bed, as still as a corpse. I glanced at my feet for a few moments before tip-toeing to the bed. _

_After another brief moment of hesitation I quietly slipped under the covers and wrapped myself around Adam. I held him as close as I could, and tears began to flow again. _

"**Tommy…**_" Adam murmured. He reached back, detaching me from his body. I was pulled up with him as he sat up. He was staring intently into my eyes and his face was as cold and blank as a slab of granite. His eyes were bloodshot and swollen, but he had obviously collected himself much more than I had. _

"_Adam… I-" I stuttered, unable to speak._

"**You know what, Tommy? Shut up. Just… Don't talk right now, okay?**_" he growled. His gaze seemed to burn into my very soul._

_I felt more naked and exposed than I ever had in my life._

"**I don't need this. You know that, right? I can kick your sorry ass out on the street and have a new bassist in five seconds flat… And there are thousands of people who'd PAY to be in the position you are right now…. In my fucking bed." **_His voice dripped with… hatred. _

"_I.."_

"**Shut up. I'm not done speaking.**_" _

_My face flushed with shame again as his gaze darkened further. _

"**I don't even know what to say to you,**_" he snapped, and I suddenly recognized the glint in his eye._

_He looked like a fox caught in a trap. His wide eyes were full of the desperate aggression of an injured animal. He had that 'might do anything' air that comes from sheer survival instinct. _

_I can't believe myself, I thought. I did this to him. _

* * *

**When I Think About You**

**Chapter 16**

**Part C**

**My cheeks were dry and I was almost asleep… when I heard the hotel room door click open. Quiet footsteps made their way into the bedroom. I stayed absolutely still, and after a few seconds the footsteps got closer… and I felt the person slip under the covers next to me. Small arms suddenly encircled my waist and a hot little body pressed against me. It could only belong to one person.**

"**Tommy." The word left my mouth before I was even aware of thinking it. **

**I felt him trembling against me, and could feel his tears on the bare skin of my back. With one of my hands, I gently pried his arms from my torso and sat upright. Tommy gripped my hand and was pulled up with me. **

**Why was he here? **

**He looked up at me like a child about to be lashed; big brown eyes wide, makeup a dripping mess… he was a pitiful sight. **

"_Adam… I…" _**When he opened his mouth to speak, the part of me that looked out for its own well being switched on. My defenses were up, and I wasn't about to let him change that. **

"**You know what Tommy? Shut up. Just don't talk, okay?" I snapped, the words like knives, digging deep into Tommy's heart. He seemed to… deflate, almost. He blinked at me in surprise, his brown eyes wide with fear. **

"**I don't need this. You know that, right? I can kick your sorry ass out on the street and have a new bassist in five seconds flat… And there are thousands of people who'd PAY to be in the position you are right now…. In my fucking bed." Even as the words came out, I regretted them. **

"_I…" _

"**Shut up, I'm not done speaking." I watched as his features reddened, and felt my mood go even farther south. **

**I felt attacked. He'd hurt me, and now he had me cornered in my own bed. He was dangerous. He'd hurt me again. I HAD to defend myself. **

"**I don't even know what to say to you," I hissed, and eyed him warily. **

**Something seemed to click behind those big brown eyes, and his face softened. Tears poured down his face. He hung his head, looking more miserable by the second. I felt bad for snapping at him, but I maintained my defensive attitude externally. **

**After a few minutes of crying silently, he yelped like a whipped puppy, and looked up at me. Before I could process what was happening, he had crawled on top of me and was pulling himself against my chest with surprising force. He wrapped his arms around me, his legs circled my waist… and all the while he was moving sensuously.**

"**Tommy- ugh! Stop it!" I said through gritted teeth… But he merely grabbed my face with one hand and pressed his lips against mine. I was quickly losing control, so while I still could… I flipped him onto his back. Lowering myself down on him slowly, I marveled at the way he arched up into me. **

**Every ounce of resistance or anger in my body melted as he moaned into my ear… the words I'd been dying to hear. **

"**Adam… I need you… You're all I want… All I've ever wanted… Babyboy… You are my everything."**


	17. Together At Last

Hello! And welcome to chapter 17 of WITAY!  
I'll warn you. I'm not good at this kind of stuff.  
But... I tried. FOR YOU GUYS :p  
so I hope you enjoy it! Make sure to let me know what you think!  
(still don't own the boys... ugh)

**When I Think About You**

**Chapter 17**

_I was shivering underneath Adam as the resonance of my words echoed through our brains. He stared off into the distance; his eyes fogged over… _

_Was I wrong to have…? NO. I had spoken the truth. Pushing aside my hesitant thoughts, I allowed the heat of the moment to take over. Reaching up with one of my hands, I stroked his smooth cheek, allowing my fingers to run down his neck and onto his chest. He finally seemed to come out of his inner world, and our gazes met. Sparks flew and for all I knew… The world had stopped spinning. I saw the world in his eyes. _

_I whined softly, and looped my arms around Adam's strong neck, threading the fingers of one hand into his silky hair. He gasped, and his eyes snapped shut. I pushed my hips up into his, moving them from side to side gently, and it was like a switch deep inside of him had been flipped. His lip quivered slightly as I gazed at him through my blonde bangs. _

_I felt his warm breath on my face as he leaned in close. Our foreheads met, and I saw stars. I could smell the soft scent of arousal on him along with the sweet smell of his shampoo. My hands were busy mapping out the hills and valleys of his strong muscled back. I wanted to know each and every inch of his body as if it were my own. I felt his warm hand slide down my waist, setting my heart on fire. My hand drifted farther down from his chest to palm him tenderly as he tilted his head to press his lips into mine. _

_A white heat bloomed behind my eyes as I parted my lips for him. My mind was swimming, I could barely think… but in this moment, none of that mattered. _

_We must have shed our boxers because before I knew it, we were moving together as one; skin on skin. Adam ran his hands through my hair, and over my body… fondling me lovingly. I broke our kiss to gaze into his eyes. The pure adoration made apparent in his baby blues shook me to the core. _

_The depth of our feelings made my head spin and I felt a tear glide down my cheek. _

_Adam's gentle hand wiped it away, and he murmured to me._

**Tommy and I were moving together on the bed when I saw a tear drip along his face. I wiped it away, and cooed to him comfortingly.**

"**Oh, glitterbaby. It's okay. Don't be scared."**

"_I'm not scared, Addy. I just… I've wanted this so badly for so long," he whined, a look of pure desperation in his eyes. _

**His words sent a jolt of emotion straight to my heart, and I pulled him tight against my chest.**

"**I've felt the same, baby. Are you ready?" I whispered into his ear, not wanting to take anything too quickly and ruin this incredible moment. **

"_I've been ready," _**he muttered, and let his head fall back against the pillow, his blonde hair drifting delicately around his face like an angel's halo. **

**I groaned, and reached down with one of my hands, spreading his legs slowly. **

_This was really happening… _

_I closed my eyes and relaxed, letting Adam do what must be done. The pain tore through my stomach, but I knew my babyboy was worth this. _

"**Okay… I'm going to start… Are you ready?" **_He asked, and I opened my eyes. His face was the definition of hopeful. He looked so unsure, so beautiful…_

"_Of course. Just… do it. I want this." I moaned loudly, and felt him at my entrance. I kept my eyes on his, and moaned as he entered slowly. He reached down and pulled my head up, kissing me gently and softly._

_We moved together as one, the air thick with love and sex. He was so gentle, so sweet… The pace picked up, and I felt a pulling feeling deep in my core. With the next thrust, a jolt of pleasure shot through me, and I yelped._

"**Glitterbaby? You okay?" **_he asked, obviously worried._

"_Just… Don't… Stop!" I yelped, surprised at my boldness. _

_He groaned and nodded, picking up the pace further._

_I didn't pay attention to keeping quiet._

_I didn't try not to scream._

_All I saw was the beautiful man above me._

_Nothing else mattered in that moment. _

_I felt his grip on my shoulder tighten, and knew what was happening. _

_I clutched him against me, moaning his name gently, as his pace grew impossibly faster. His rhythm became clumsy, but I hardly noticed. We were both so close. _

_A few more thrusts and he came apart with a shout, nearly collapsing onto me. He gazed heatedly into my eyes, and the feeling of his warmth shooting deep inside of me pushed me over the edge. His arms wrapped around me as we both rode the wave of pleasure slowly into a deep sleep._

_No dreams plagued me that night. _


	18. Busted

I've been feeling kind of discouraged about this story lately..  
But it's fun to write and I have too much free time anyways.  
Let me know what you guys are thinking!  
Don't own the boys, STILL.

**When I Think About You**

**Chapter 18**

**I was sleeping peacefully when I was awoken by a pounding on my door. **

**I groaned loudly in displeasure, stretching slightly. Looking down at the boy in my arms, I couldn't help but smile. Memories of last night drifted back to me and I felt a stirring in my groin. Ugh.**

**"Adam, we all overslept. Get your ass out here so I can talk to you." **

**Monte shouted through the door.**

**"And your room key is lying in the hallway, so don't think I won't barge in there! You should be glad that some lucky fan hasn't already!"**

**Tommy moaned gently; Monte's screaming woke him up too. He shifted positions slightly and hissed in pain.**

**"Oh honey," I murmured, trying to stay out of earshot of Monte. I ran my fingers through Tommy's hair and cooed comfortingly. He lifted his head and looked at me with those big brown eyes. My heart jumped within my chest.**

**Running my hands over his body quickly, I whispered in his ear. "I should probably go talk to him..." but even as I spoke, Tommy's arms snaked around my waist, holding me in place.**

**"Babyboy, don't leave me!" he yelped, pain filling his soulful eyes. **

**Pity and guilt wrenched through my heart. I couldn't leave him now!**

**"You have three seconds to make sure you're not naked. I'm coming in."**

**I squealed quietly in panic, but Tommy, in his strange mood, just cuddled down a little farther, burying his face in my chest.**

**"Three... Two... One." The hotel door beeped and clicked open. "I'm coming in. You better not flash me. And do you know where Tommy is? I can't find him any-" Monte's voice cut off as he walked into the bedroom.**

**"Oh."**

**I looked up into his eyes, my face burning red. I tried to move away from Tommy, or at least farther under the covers, but the boy had a vice-like grip on my waist.**

**Huffing slightly in frustration and embarrassment, I squirmed like an ant under the magnified heat of Monte's dull stare.**

**"Well I guess I know where Tommy is. Good thing, I thought he might have been kidnapped or something," Monte muttered, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. He glanced at Tommy with a strange look on his face. It was a mixture of "**Father Catching His Daughter In Bed With A Guy**" and "**Father Happy That Daughter Finally Chose A Respectable Boyfriend Instead Of The Trash She Usually Drags In."

**"I guess you two made up, huh?" Monte chuckled, a mischievous look on his face. "I'm glad. But if you two don't get out of bed soon, I'll have to drag you... Seeing as you guys are obviously not dressed... **

**That might get awkward. And I'm assuming you're going to try to keep this on the down low with the band." He raised an eyebrow, looking from me to Tommy and back.**

**My face burned with embarrassment and I could barely find my voice.**

**"Y-yeah. Sounds good. I... need a shower, but we'll be out in a bit."**

**Monte gave me a knowing look, one that said 'best be careful, now'.**

**I looked down, no longer able to meet his gaze.**

**"Okay. Just hurry. I'll cover for Tommy. Don't make me regret it." **

**Monte promptly turned on his heels and strode out of the room as confidently as he had entered. As the door clicked shut, Tommy moved against me. I felt his stiffness rub against my leg, and felt blood rush to my own little problem.**

**"Tommy, we have to get up." I said, hating the reality of the words more than anything. "We're traveling today. We need to get cleaned up. If you come with me to the bathroom, I'll make it worth your while."**

**He moaned into my ear and rubbed harder against me.**

**Now, I'd have given anything to stay in bed for eternity, but I knew that Monte would make good on his threat. I sat up, and scooped the sleepy boy onto my lap. He shuddered when our hips collided, and wrapped his legs around my waist. His arms encircled my neck, and he pulled himself flush against me. Groaning softly, I stood up and began to make my way to the bathroom. When we got there, I tried to set Tommy down, but the boy clung to me like a koala. I sighed, and used one hand to open the door of the enormous shower.**

**This was going to be interesting. **


	19. What Lovers Do

Ahhh I think I spend too much time on this story.  
It's just too fun I guess :D  
Don't own the boys, STILL. I gotta get working on that.

Hope you guys enjoy it!

**When I Think About You**

**Chapter 19**

_I woke up to the sound of Monte yelling and Adam saying that he was going to be right back. My heart lurched and pain came in stabbing waves from deep within me. I felt tears pool in my eyes, and started begging Adam not to go. __He couldn't leave me! That wasn't FAIR! I didn't understand why my emotions were so suddenly intense, but I didn't care._

_Monte hollered something about flashing him… But all I cared about was getting Adam closer to me. I wrapped my arms around my babyboy and snuggled against him. Monte came into the room and jabbered at us to get up. Adam squirmed uncomfortably but I held him tight against me, not letting him go anywhere. Monte rambled on and on and said something that caught my attention: he'd cover for me. I loved him so much. Ugh. His footsteps left the room and the door shut. Alone again. My brain was fuzzy… but clear enough to grind against Adam's thigh. _

_He gasped and I found myself being pulled onto his lap. My legs instinctively wrapped around his waist and I flung my arms around his neck, pulling myself against him. He groaned and stood up, startling me. Before I knew it, he was carrying me towards the bathroom. Surprisingly, we made it there without incident… and that's when he tried to set me down. Not gonna happen. I held on tight, supporting my weight without his help. After a few moments, he sighed and held onto me with one arm, using the other one to open the shower door. We stepped into the huge tiled cavern that was bigger than my whole bathroom at home. _

_Along one wall was a sort of ledge for one to sit on, and Adam gently placed me on it. I reluctantly released my grip on him and whined softly. _

_I leaned back, letting the tiled wall cool my heated skin. Adam was mulling bout, gathering this and that, but I couldn't pay attention. My eyes drifted along the curves of his toned body before drifting shut. A wave of shivers passed along my spine, and I clenched my hands down on my thighs. Letting my head fall back, my lips parted…. Pain radiated from my stomach… but I ignored it. Everything was so warm. _

**I set Tommy down on the bench in the shower before gathering my various lotions and potions. My glitterbaby was mewling quietly, squirming, and grabbing at his legs with his hands. He peered at me strangely before shutting his eyes and leaning back. **

**I felt a blush creep over my face as I looked away. We just needed to get cleaned up and ready, I thought to myself… But no amount of thought was going to get rid of the embarrassing problem between my legs. **

**I adjusted the water temperature and turned on one of the shower heads, gasping softly at the LUXURY of the shower. The shower heads were controlled by switches on the wall. I was in AWE. **

"**I'm going to turn on the water, and it's going to hit you… okay?" **

**Tommy gave no reply but a gentle shuddering whimper. I frowned slightly and turned on the remaining shower heads… FIVE in total. Hot water poured down over us and Tommy let loose a long moan as it cascaded over his frail little body. **

**I stood under the water, letting it wash over me for a few moments before sitting down next to Tommy. I grabbed a bottle of shampoo and maneuvered him so he was sideways with his head against my chest. He complied with the resistance of a limp doll. What was wrong with him, I wondered. I pushed all thoughts out of my head and poured out some shampoo, massaging it into his hair gently. Grabbing one of the handheld showerheads, I carefully rinsed the soft bubbles from his platinum locks. I had to bite my lip to control myself as he leaned back into me. After all of the shampoo was down the drain, I poured some conditioner into my hand and combed it into his hair. **

"**We can let that soak, okay glitterbaby?"**

"**Mmm," was his only reply. **

**I angled the various streams of water away from us and got my body wash and squeezed out a generous handful onto a washcloth. Gently placing the cloth on his shoulder, I had a moment of doubt.**

**This was okay, right? It sure seemed like he was okay with it by the way he leaned back farther into me, actually sitting in between my legs, his head against my right shoulder and his legs off to my left. I held him cradled like a child. **

**Shaking my head gently, I trailed the soapy cloth down his arms and back up. He pushed into my touch like a cat. I held him with my right arm and let my left hand run circles over his chest with the cloth. I slid it across his skin softly, like one might wash an infant, and he helped me by bending his legs or moving this way or that. All this time I avoided that one area of his body… although his arousal was very obvious. **

"_Adam…_**" he groaned, snatching my hand and placing it on his stomach, sliding it down slowly. **

"**I will. Don't worry glitterbaby… But let's get cleaned up first," I said. **

**Taking the handheld again, I rinsed his hair of conditioner. Quickly running the soapy cloth over myself, I moved the jets of water back onto us. Running my hands over his skin to help wash the bubbles away, I murmured, "There. Feels better, huh?"**

"_Mmm… yes._**"**

**WE laid there under the wandering fingers of hot water for a few minutes before his desire became too much for me to bear. He was moaning, obviously uncomfortable, and I couldn't bear to see my baby in pain.**

_I sat there, cradled in his arms… and he washed me. His fingers left trails of fire on my skin. My eyes were shut and my mind was blank. I had forced all thoughts from my head._

_My brain was fried but my senses were on overdrive. _

_I could hear each drop of water hit the ground. I could hear Adam's soft breathing. The sweet musky smell that was entirely Adam was so wonderfully overpowering that it drew long moans from my parted lips. I could feel each and every lingering touch. I could feel our hearts beating, the nearly matching rhythms thumping out a ballad of love. _

_Once he was done rinsing us, we laid under the hot water for a long time… Blood continued to flow between my legs and it was causing a dull ache in addition to the sharp pains in my stomach. _

_I whined a little louder, and Adam looked down at me. Our lips touched and fireworks went off behind my eyes. _

_I kissed him back hungrily, but he pushed me away and pulled me off of his lap. I whimpered with hurt, tears gathering in my eyes, but as he slid off the bench he placed a finger on my lips._

"**It's okay glitterbaby. I'm just going to fix this for you. Don't worry,**_" he said, his voice low and sexy. _

_Grabbing me by the legs, he swung me around so that I was sitting forwards, facing out towards the shower. I gazed at him in confusion, not understanding his intentions. All of that was cleared up as he dropped to his knees. _

**I had to take care of my glitterbaby, right?**

**After all, that's what lovers do. **


	20. Keep It Cool

Hey guys! I'm back with chapter 20 of WITAY, a little late... but here at last.  
I still don't own anything and insist upon you knowing.  
I hope you're still enjoying this story. I think I'm addicted to writing it.  
I should probably write some NEW fictions, but I'm so stuck in a rut.  
Oh well.  
Feedback is always welcome!

**When I Think About You**

**Chapter 20**

_"_**It's okay glitterbaby. Don't be afraid. I'm good at this. Just... Relax.**_"_

_Adam said these words as he dropped to his knees and gently spread my legs wide. Little shivers of anticipation ran along my spine as he licked his lips. I bit my knuckle to keep quiet and watched as he took my stiffness in his hands and stroked a few times. Hot water was still washing over us, heightening the pleasure of the moment. I let my eyes drift back to his face and felt my cheeks burn when our eyes met. He was going to... That thought was never finished, because at that moment Adam parted those full lips and wrapped them around me. Time seemed to stop._

_He hadn't been lying when he said that he was good; his long tongue swirled expertly and his hands teased perfectly. I bit my bottom lip and threw my head back, completely blown away. Deep waves of pleasure rolled within me, my inner storm intensifying. My hands made their way to his inky black hair, pushing him farther down on me as I thrust up to meet his movements._

_"A-Adam..." I whimpered, trying to warn him, but he picked up the pace. I felt the pressure build in my stomach and knew that I was done for. One more twirl of that wicked tongue and I was gone._

_My world turned black._

**I turned the shower off and left Tommy, who was still shaking and panting, sitting on the bench. Stepping through the doorway, I grabbed four big white fluffy towels. What's happening to Tommy, I wondered. He was acting so strangely, like an infant, almost. I couldn't have been gone more than five seconds, but when I stepped back into the shower Tommy was on me instantly. His arms encircled my shoulders and he pulled me close.**

"**Oh, honey. Let's get dried off… you'll catch a cold running around soaking wet," I said, gently pushing the boy away. I dropped all but one of the towels onto the ground and draped the remaining one over my glitterbaby, drying him thoroughly. I wrapped a dry towel around his torso and tucked it in. After quickly repeating the process with myself and tying a towel around my waist, I started to leave before I saw Tommy sitting down again. He peered up at me with sad brown eyes, and I sighed. He reached out his arms in a childish but understandable gesture that he wanted to be picked up. What was getting into him, I thought. I gave in, and scooped him up bridal style. He better thank god that he's so skinny, I thought to myself. We made it to the bedroom and I laid him on the disheveled sheets. **

"**I'll go grab your clothes, okay?" I said, quickly pulling on some skinny jeans. I made my way to the door but was halted by the sight of Tommy's bag. A note was sitting on top. **

Adam-

I figured that you didn't want a repeat of yesterday, so I brought this. Hurry up and get out here. I can only cover for you guys for so long.

Monte Pittman

Ps: You owe me.

**I laughed out loud at the last line. Monte was so amazing. I grabbed the suitcase and lugged it back into the bedroom. When I walked through the door, I gasped and nearly dropped the heavy luggage on my foot. Tommy was sitting on the bed, naked except for a loose T-shirt. MY shirt. **

"**Glitterbaby, Monte brought your things. You can wear your own clothes today," I explained, somewhat confused.**

"_What if I don't wanna," _**Tommy said, sounding like a stubborn child. He pulled the fabric of the shirt up to his nose and sniffed.**

"_It smells like you. I'm wearing it,_**" he stated simply, a pout forming on those pretty lips. **

"**Are you sure, Tommy? You know what happened last time. And that's one of my favorite shirts so it's not like the band won't notice." I was hesitant to let him leave the room in my clothes again, considering the outcome yesterday morning.**

"_Why don't you want me to be happy?_**" he yelped, tears in his eyes.**

**I dropped the suitcase and ran to the bed, practically tackling him. I pinned him to the bed and looked directly into his eyes.**

"**Don't. Ever. Fucking. Say. That. You KNOW I'd do anything for you. I'm trying to protect you!" I said through gritted teeth. I pressed my lips against his for a few moments, and got off of him. When I sat up, he came right with me, back to being a koala. His thin frame was smashed against mine and he showed no intentions of letting go.**

"**I'm sorry glitterbaby; I just can't stand the thought of you getting hurt… Let's go get you dressed," I whispered. In what was becoming a familiar action, I scooped the boy up and carried him over to his suitcase. Setting him on the edge of the bed, I selected underwear, socks, and a pair of skinny jeans. Simple enough. Oh, and his typical black creepers, of course.**

"**Okay, put these on," I said. Tommy just stared at me. "I guess I'll help you. Stick out your legs."**

**I awkwardly pulled his underwear on, adjusting him slightly. Next I slipped on his socks, and then his jeans. I went back to the suitcase and got his belt, putting that on him too. Last but not least, I pushed his feet into his creepers and laced them up. There.**

**I donned a random T-shirt from my suitcase and ran my fingers through my hair briefly, trying to make myself look at least semi-presentable.**

**"You wanna put on a little make-up?" I asked Tommy as I applied my own. I feared the worst.**

**"**_Go ahead,_**" he murmured, closing his eyes. I sighed, quickly smudging some liner and dusting some silver shadow around his huge eyes. Almost as an afterthought, I went over his pink lips with a little gloss.**

**"There. Now let's go, or we'll be in trouble with big bad Monte," I sighed, so grateful to have such a nice friend.**

**I slipped my feet into some simple boots and pulled Tommy up. He instantly melded to my side, holding my arm like I was his date to prom. Whatever, as long as he doesn't make me carry him in front of everyone, I thought to myself. **

**"Remember to keep it cool in front of the band," I warned him.**

"_Mhm, of course,_**" he giggled, pulling me a little bit closer as we walked towards the door. **

**I believed him, too.**

**Boy, would I regret that. **


	21. Overwhelmed

**When I Think About You**

**Chapter 21**

**I bit my lip nervously as I opened the door. I was scared. Terrified, actually. My heart was thumping painfully in my chest and adrenaline pumped through my veins. I let the door shut behind us and sighed in relief when I saw Monte by the door to his room down the hall.**

**"**Ah. There you two are. Everyone's getting breakfast. I told them that the three of us had some musical stuff to talk about. Let's go**," Monte rambled, and paused to give us a long look. "**Hm. Are you going to tell them?**" he asked.**

**My cheeks burned red and I glanced down at Tommy. He was still melted into my side, looking at the ground with a slight smile on his lips.**

**"Tommy, why don't you run downstairs and eat something real quick? You shouldn't skip breakfast. I'll be right down, okay?" I felt my cheeks heat up even more as Monte raised an eyebrow. I was talking to him like a child even without thinking. I gave Tommy a gentle squeeze and removed him from my arm, pushing him towards the elevators.**

**"**Take a left on the ground floor and you'll find them**," Monte called after Tommy, who was walking slowly to the elevator alcove. Once he was out of sight, Monte's attention snapped back to me.**

**"**What's going on? Be straight with me, man. I stuck my neck way out for you today,**" he said quietly. His face was as hard as stone but worry shone in his eyes, and he placed a hand on my shoulder.**

**"**You can tell me**."**

**I bit my lip again and looked at my feet awkwardly.**

**"I don't Know what's going on. I mean yeah, I knew this would change things, but... I don't know." I shifted my weight from one foot to the other and examined my nails. Anything to not have to look into those eyes that oozed concern.**

**"**He was wearing your favorite shirt. I brought you his suitcase for a reason**," Monte said, obviously confused.**

**"Yeah see that's the thing. He wouldn't let me talk him out of it. He's been acting strange all morning." I rubbed my temples, feeling a headache coming on.**

**"**Strange how?**"**

**"I... Don't know how much of it you want to hear... but he's been acting like a little kid, which is weird since we... You know... Of course you do, you saw us this morning. But... Like, in the room, he wouldn't do anything. I had to do everything. He wouldn't even walk. I... I carried him."**

**Monte chuckled softly. "**Sorry, but that's a funny image. Well... I'm not sure what to tell you except to talk to him.**" He frowned slightly. "**If he's all over you in front of anyone, just be cool. It's not abnormal for him to do that kind of stuff jokingly. So just stay calm.**"**

**"Yeah I guess. Well he'll probably have a panic attack if we stay gone much longer. Let's head down." I said, and we walked to the elevators.**

**The second we walked into the breakfast area, I saw Tommy lope over enthusiastically.**

_**"**__Addy! Hi!__**"**_** he squealed, hug-tackling me.**

**I remembered Monte's advice and laughed, ruffling his hair playfully.**

**"Good morning to you too, Tommy."**

**"**Hey, you guys finally done?**" Cam asked, eyeing us warily. **

"Yeah we were having musical issues with one part of Fever, our parts were clashing a tiny bit, we made some changes to the timing and we'll see how it sounds at the next sound check,**" Monte said calmly. God, I was so thankful for him. No one could even doubt him, because after all he WAS the musical director.**

"_Yeah, we fixed it, hm?_**" Tommy giggled, peeking up at me from his newfound favorite position of melted against my side. My heart stuttered, but I stayed calm. This boy was going to kill me one day.**

"**Yup. Cam, LP, I'll let you know if anything needs to change for you guys, but this was just a strumming issue. So I think you'll be fine," I said. "Is everyone done eating?"**

**They all nodded, and we got our things together to leave. We were doing a sound check today for our concert tomorrow, so we all piled into cars and went to the venue. The day went by quickly, except for Tommy.**

_I went downstairs and talked with the band while eating some breakfast, but my mind stayed on Adam. What were he and Monte talking about up there?_

_I was about to go crazy wondering when I saw them walk into the room._

"_ADDY! HI!" I yelled and ran to him, pulling myself against him. I just needed to feel his touch. I ached for it. I felt him twitch slightly before calming down and ruffling my hair._

**"Good morning to you too, Tommy."**

_I smiled and held him close and barely noticed Cam staring. She asked something, but I couldn't hear it. All that I heard was my babyboy's heartbeat. Monte was explaining something and he gave me a look that made it obvious that this was our cover story. I listened with feigned interest, and when he was done I said "Yeah, we fixed it, hm?" and peered up at Adam meaningfully. My heart dropped when I gained no reaction from him. After a bit more boring talk, we all left for the venue. _

_We got acquainted with the stage setup and all the other routine things we had to do at every new venue. I was so bored. _

_Luckily that was over with fairly quickly, and it came time to do a brief run-through of the set list. Time for me to shine._

_I played with as much passion as I could, and I thought it sounded good. The whole band was on fire, excited for the next day's show. I used every excuse to lean up against Adam while playing, or brush against him briefly… anything to touch him. He grew more and more flustered with every touch, and his voice got more raw and sexy. When we finished, the crew all cheered. _

"Man, if we play like that tomorrow, we'll knock 'em dead!" LP exclaimed.

"**Y… yeah I guess we will," **_Adam stuttered, still flustered._

**Rehearsal couldn't end soon enough. Tommy took every chance to touch me in any way possible. Each moment of contact sent lust shooting through my veins and blood rushing to my face. I prayed that no one else noticed his actions, but several times I caught Monte eyeing me nervously. **

**As we ended, and everyone jabbered about how great the show was, I just wanted to leave. Go back to the hotel. Be alone. THINK. Everything was so overwhelming. **

**I sighed with relief as everyone agreed that we were done for the day. I grabbed my bag and headed for the door, hoping against all hope that I would make it to my room unmolested. **

**Of course, I didn't.**

**Before I had made it ten feet, Tommy had taken up his usual spot by my side, clutching my arm and babbling happy about something. I felt a blush creep across my cheeks… and my jeans tightened when his hips bumped against mine as we walked. **

**God… this boy could drive me wild. **


	22. Shattered

**When I Think About You**

**Chapter 22**

_Once practice was over, Adam practically ran out of the venue. I quickly caught up with him and linked arms, chit chatting about nothing much. I worked on putting a little extra waggle in my step so that our hips would bump every few steps, and much to my pleasure I saw Adam blush. With every touch, lust further fogged my thoughts. _

_We rode back to the hotel next to each other, and all the way up to his room I never left his side. I never wanted to. My thinking was still fuzzy, and somewhere in the back of my mind I was vaguely concerned... But that part of my brain was small and quiet. It was easily drowned out by the rapid beating of my heart._

_We made it to the rooms before anyone else, and we quickly arrived at Adam's door. He reached into his pocket and withdrew the key card, but before he opened the door he shot me a bewildered and slightly annoyed look._

_My stomach lurched when he spoke._

**"Aren't you going to YOUR room, then?"**

_A small cry escaped my lips. He just blinked, looking slightly impatient._

_I pulled my arms away from him and tears welled up in my eyes. _

**Tommy literally was in constant physical contact with me the entire way back to my room. He held my arm, leaned his head on my shoulder… but there was not a single moment when we were not touching in at least one spot. When we got to my door, he still didn't let go.**

**For a moment my patience disappeared and before I could stop myself, I snapped and said something about going to ****His**** room.**

**He yelped and snatched his arms away from me like I was a hot iron, his hands flying to cover his face in an unconscious defensive gesture. My heart sank as his eyes suddenly filled with tears. **

**I moved towards him, reaching for his shoulder, but he smacked me away. Holding my stinging arm against me, I watched as he crumbled before me like a sandcastle in the rain. **

**He took a few unsteady steps backwards and gradually sank to his knees when he bumped into the wall. His shoulders were hunched; his head down, his blonde fringe covering his face, and he had one hand held up to his mouth. **

**Looking up at me with wide brown eyes, he was the epitome of repulsion and hurt. **

**I stepped towards him again and my heart fell further when he leaned into the wall to put more distance between us. I ignored it and walked across the hall to where he sat. Once I was in front of him, I let myself fall to my knees. **

"**Tommy…" I said soothingly, reaching out cautiously to him. When he didn't lash out again, I trailed my fingers along the curve of his jaw. Tears dripped onto my skin and I felt a twinge of regret. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you… It's just…" I took a deep breath and wrapped my arms around him. He shivered slightly but didn't pull away from my touch.**

"**Come on, let's go into the room and talk this out, huh?" I whispered, not wanting anyone to see Tommy in this condition. Pulling away from his huddled form, I gazed at him. He made no move to get up. "We're going to the room, Tommy. You can make it hard… but we're going to talk about this," I stated firmly, prepared to keep my word. **

"_Fuck you, Adam,_**" he muttered, closing his eyes and letting his arms drop. **

"**Well then, hard way," I said, quickly scooping up my bassist in a fireman's carry. He squeaked in surprise and struggled, but I was bigger and stronger. Since my key was still in my hand, I was able to open my door. Bending down slightly to avoid bashing him on the doorframe, I strode quickly into the bedroom. **

**I tossed Tommy's limp body carelessly onto the bed and my own quickly followed.**

_Adam kept trying to talk to me, but I just ignored him. Shivers shot through my body as he stroked my face gently, and I moaned when his arms wrapped around me… but I was still mad. Livid. Hurt. Wait… hurt? _

_My mind was clouded with emotion as it had been since yesterday, and I couldn't think clearly._

_When he told me to get up and go with him to his room, what slipped between gritted teeth was "Fuck you, Adam." _

_Before I could do anything, Adam had me flung over his shoulder and was taking me into the bedroom. He threw me onto the bed and after a few seconds he literally jumped on top of me. I bit my lip and closed my eyes as he pinned me down._

_I could feel his breath on my neck, the heat of his body on mine._

_He sat straddling my hips in a bizarre reversal of our first night together. I felt lips pressing gently into my neck… and then a sharp nip sent jolts of pleasure straight to my groin. I moved against him in my cloud of want for a few moments before he shattered my fragile grip on sanity with his words._

**I sat atop Tommy and kissed his neck before biting harshly, causing him to shiver and buck underneath me. My heart was so full of emotion, I couldn't think straight. I didn't even notice myself speaking until it was too late to stop.**

"**Fuck me, Tommy? Fuck ME? I do believe YOU'RE the one who got fucked," I hissed. He flinched noticeably but that couldn't stop me now. **

"**And you know what? I'm starting to think maybe I shouldn't have, because you've been fucking WEIRD ever since. I didn't want to mess up everything, but you didn't really give me a choice. It's not like I was the one reaching into YOUR pants."**

"_Adam…_**" He started, but I cut him off. **

"**No. I don't want to hear it, honey. We've been through this already! This exact same thing. Is this a fucking rerun, because it sure feels like one now doesn't it? Do you even fucking care?" I felt him shaking beneath me, and instantly my tone softened.**

"**I'm so sorry, glitterbaby. I'm just… I'm just confused, okay? You send such mixed signals. If you ever loved me, show me. SAY IT. Show me that you give a damn." I said, and looked into his eyes. He stared unwaveringly back into my baby blues, and didn't react.**

"**Glitterbaby?"**


	23. Broken and Empty

**When I Think About You**

**Chapter 23**

"**Tommy?" I rubbed my glitterbaby's cheek briskly, suddenly very alarmed. **

"**Tommy, honey, you're scaring me." **

_I laid motionless as Adam's words stampeded through my brain, leaving nothing but rubble in their wake. I was shocked, temporarily stunned speechless by his verbal attack. Wanting to stay strong, I fought to keep the tears that were pooling in my eyes from spilling down my cheeks… but failed. Adam's blue eyes followed the drip of water and I felt his grip weaken. _

"**Oh, baby…" I said, releasing my grip on his wrists. My heart throbbed with pity and shame reddened my features. I got off of him and nearly pissed myself when he pounced.**

_As soon as I felt his weight shift… Something gave way deep within me. Instinct took over. I tackled him, pushing him against the mattress. My mind was a swirl of emotion, the storm so strong that not a single thought made it through._

_Staring intently at his face, I saw confusion and desire… And sadness. I felt a twinge of pain as I peered into his eyes. He was hurting. An overwhelming desire suddenly overtook me, throwing out all hopes of any logical thought process… I had to fix it. I couldn't bear to see him in pain. I knew that we needed to talk; I knew that I couldn't delay it any longer… but I couldn't leave my babyboy like this. A smile worked its way across my lips as an idea began to form in the shattered ruins of my mind._

**I was completely taken aback by what I saw in Tommy's big brown eyes. They possessed an unnerving quality that I couldn't quite name. His elfin face was as beautiful as ever. His lips were parted and his pupils were wide with lust… but behind that magnificence was something harsh and desolate. He looked… Cold. **

**Empty…**

**Detached…**

**Emotionless. **

**That was the last thought that went through my head before he pushed me over the edge with a simple flick of the wrist. **

**My mind was wiped clean by the sound of a zipper as Tommy's familiar hand found its prize.**

_I slipped my hand into Adam's skinny jeans, moaning as he twitched beneath my touch. A deep ache was working its way into my heart as I moved against his hard body. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. I wanted to do SOMETHING to release all of my pent up emotions… but I couldn't do that to him. I had hurt him so much already…. I just wanted to do this… just this one time._

**Tommy writhed atop me, sending shocks of bliss through my spine. My arms were over my head and he had both of my wrists pinned to the bed. I bucked up into him, searching for something, ANYTHING, to cool the burning in my chest. His grip on my wrists tightened with every move I made.. but I couldn't stop myself. I pulled and struggled, crying for relief. His hand squeezed my bulge just hard enough to hurt, and he whispered in my ear. **

"_Just lay back and relax, honey, I want to do this… I…" _**He hesitated briefly, as if he were about to say something important, before muttering, **_"I really care about you, okay?"_

**My breath hitched as his wandering hand slipped beneath my boxers and stroked me gently. His strong fingers wrapped around me and my mind flashed back to that fateful night. Images of us flickered behind my eyes… Tommy sitting next to me, giggling at my yelps of terror… Tommy's hand drifting up and down my thigh… Tommy sitting on my lap, peering into my eyes… Tommy loosing himself in my hand, moaning my name… **

**Before I ever would have thought possible I felt myself rushing towards the cliff of ecstasy. I broke my arms free of Tommy's grasp and buried my fingers in his hair, pulling harshly to warn him. I had forgotten how much that one simple action affects him. A long groan was ripped from his lips and he pushed his hips down into me, grinding against my leg. Before I could even blink, his hands had left my skin. He looked up at me through his tangled bangs and began to slowly slide down my body… until his head at hip level. **

**Once I realized what he was doing, I had to bite my lip to keep from screaming, and to keep myself from coming right then. My eyes fluttered shut as his pink lips parted, surrounding me with heat. **

_Everything was going as planned until Adam pulled his hands from my grasp and pulled my hair. Lightning bolts of pleasure jolted me to the core, and I lost control. I pulled myself down his body, trailing kisses across his chest and stomach as I went. Once I was between his legs, I looked up at him. His eyes showed realization and snapped shut. His hands were still in my hair, and he tugged gently… sending shivers through my body. I pumped him a few times before licking up the length and swallowing him whole._

**The whole world went dark. I could tell that I was being probably a bit too loud, but nothing could describe the bliss. My glitterbaby… I loved him so much. **

**Within a minute, I was done for. **

_As I licked up the last drop of Adam's sticky sweet, my heart ached. _

_I need to stop doing this to myself, I thought._

_One look up at Adam's smiling face, and the sadness dissipated._

_It was becoming far too easy to pretend that nothing was wrong in the world, that it was just Adam and I and nothing else. I could just act like everything was perfect, right? It didn't hurt anyone, right?_


	24. This Has To Stop

HEY FOLKS!  
I'm SOOOOO sorry that this has taken so long!  
Real life is back to normal, so I'll probably go back to a chapter every day!  
Yaaaay!  
I don't own anything except the order of the words!  
Hope you enjoy!

**When I Think About You**

**Chapter 24**

_Wasn't this supposed to be fun?_

__

Sneaking behind everyone's backs like teenagers in puppy-love, messing around every chance we get?

Wasn't I supposed to feel wanted?

_Accepted?_

Cared for?

Wasn't love supposed to free me, not leave me boxed in and forced down?

I wanted Adam.

Now I had him.

I should have been satisfied..

But why did I feel so empty inside?

_I laid on the bed, thinking back on the night's events…._

Earlier that day…

**My fingers traced lazy patterns over the fabric covering Tommy's  
back... My shirt.**

**His head was resting on my stomach, his arms encircling my waist in a  
fierce embrace.  
**

**The simple perfection of the moment blotted out reality until I heard a knock on the door.**

The sharp rapping startled me, and I made a move to get up, but Tommy stopped me. He put a hand on my chest and pushed me backwards before leaning in to whisper in my ear.  


**"**

_**I'll get it, babyboy**_**."  
He pressed his lips to mine briefly before hopping up and walking to the door. After a moment of shocked hesitation, I followed him.**

_**  
I jumped up when I heard someone at the door. I needed to get away  
from Adam. I needed time to clear my head, and even just a few seconds**_** sounded**_** good to me. His presence was clouding my judgment, and I knew that I was dangerously close to doing something I'd regret.**_

So I left him laying on the bed and made my way towards the front of the suite.

Casually pulling the door open, my heart stuttered as I saw who had  
knocked.

****

As I turned the corner out of the bedroom, I was stopped in my tracks  
by the sight before me. Cam was framed in the doorway, looking confused and slightly embarrassed. My stomach did jumping jacks as suspicion slithered its way across her features.

My heart dropped further when i saw Monte standing behind her, looking from Tommy to me and back with an almost comical expression of horror on his face.

In a moment of panic, I stepped back into the shadows of the hallway,  
thankful that no lights were on in my room.

" 

**Wh- Tommy?" Cam asked, her voice quiet and hesitant.**

"_**Um yeah." **_**Tommy crossed his arms in front of himself, looking meaningfully at Monte.**

"This IS Adam's room, isn't it?" she asked, glancing at the number beside the door.

I stood in the shadows watching as Cam stared at Tommy and he stared back, and as Monte nearly popped blood vessel. I could almost see the gears grinding in my musical director's brain, presumably trying to think of a way to fix the current situation.  


**"**_**Mhm it is."**_** Tommy shifted his weight from one foot to the other, looking vaguely impatient. "**_**So what's up, guys?"**_****

Cam just stared.

"_**Why are you here, I mean. Not to be rude."**_****

"Oh, it's fine!" Monte babbled, finally finding a place to butt in.  
"Everyone's going out. We were wondering if Adam wanted to come."

When Cam looked back at him like he was insane, he quickly added, "We were going to your room next. Two birds with one stone, huh?"

"_**Hold on, I'll go see**_**." Tommy said, propping the door open and turning towards me. I backed into the dimly lit bedroom and sat on the bed, trying to keep cool as my glitterbaby walked through the door.**

"_**Hey, the band is going out**_**," he said, running his fingers through his hair.**

"Yeah I heard them," I paused, studying Tommy's face. "Wanna go?"  
His lip quivered as he began to speak.

****

_**  
No Adam, I want to stay in bed with you all night.**_

"Nah, I think I'll just hang here. You don't mind, do you?" I chewed my lip nervously as he hesitated slightly.

"**Uh, no. That's fine. I'll go tell them that I'm getting ready.**_**" He ran a hand through his raven locks and smoothed out his wrinkled clothing. After taking a deep shaky breath, he made his way to the door.**_

Once he was out of sight, I leaned back into the wall and closed my eyes. I was so exhausted.  


**I turned the corner and jumped out of my skin when I nearly collided with Monte.**

"Where were you? What on earth possessed you to let him answer a knock on Your hotel room door?" he whispered harshly.

"Bathroom..."

"What took so long? Did you fall in? You KNOW how bad this looks, right? You two in one room, together, alone, for Hours! And then he answers the door, hair a mess, makeup smeared..." he trailed off, rubbing his temples in frustration.

"Yeah... I know. I didn't exactly expect company. Sorry..."

"Well I'd be surprised if Cam weren't out there right now, drawing All  
sorts of conclusions. So you better hurry. You guys coming?"

"I am. Tommy's not."

"Okay, we'll meet you downstairs." He raised his voice to be heard from the door as he walked out of the room. "Cam, let's go," he yelled, and with a final backward glance from the keyboardist, they left.

I let the door fall shut.

_**I straightened up when I heard Adam's footsteps. I couldn't let him see me like this, so small and weak. In panic, I flopped down on my belly onto the bed, covering my head with my arms.**_

"**Whatcha doin'?"**_** he asked, chuckling at my humorous position.**_

"Not much," I replied, knowing how absurd it sounded.

"**Okay well you won't mind me doing this then,**_**" he murmured, and I felt his body move on top of mine, covering me with his warmth. I gripped the sheets harshly, but his heat suddenly pressing into me from behind and the pressure of the mattress was just too much. I found myself grinding my teeth and trying to hold back the sounds that were flowing from inside of me.**_

Any semblance of self-control was lost as he twisted his fingers into my hair.

He growled quietly as he pushed his hips down into me, drawing long moans from my unwilling lips. His hands gripped my shoulder and hip, holding almost tight enough to leave bruises and making escape impossible.

Shit.

I could feel his hot breath on my cheek as he moved on top of me, thrusting slowly against my ass. Liquid desire shot through my veins, pumped by the beating of my racing heart

_**Here we go again.**_

I needed to calm down and get out of this situation. It was tearing my heart apart.

I had collected myself slightly when he kissed my ear. I moaned, and a white light flashed behind my eyes as he leaned down, nipping the soft skin at the nape of my neck.

_****_

"Adam... You have to go don't you?" I asked, trying to keep my voice steady... But even I could hear its unconvincing quiver.

"**They can wait..." **_**he said as he reached under my body, grabbing me through my jeans.**_

I whined, frustrated by my lack of control, and squirmed beneath him.  
He gasped as I wiggled my hips, and pushed down harder than before. I  
could feel his hardness rub against me; his jeans were barely able to contain his arousal. Tight denim brushed the softer fabric of my pants.

_****_

Oh god. I need to stop this... I thought.

Just then, his searching fingers stroked me just right and I bucked my hips involuntarily, drawing grunts of pleasure from both of us and throwing reason and logic out like a baby with the bathwater.


	25. Something's Wrong Here

**Hey guys!**

**Sorry for the wait, life is annoying...**

**Anywho, Here's chapter 25!**

**Thanks to everyone who has written reviews! They are very helpful, and I love you guys for your support!**

**I own nothing but the order of the words...**

**When I Think About You**

**Chapter 25**

**When I got back to the room to get changed, Tommy was face down on the bed. I stopped and stared at him for a few moments before giggling and walking over.**

**"Whatcha doing?"**

**"**_... not much,_**" he answered, not moving.**

**Looking down at him, I burst out laughing. My glitterbaby was so odd sometimes.**

**"Well then, you won't mind if I do this then," I murmured, climbing on top of him. I caressed his hips and breathed lightly in his ear.**

**My intention was to be goofy and maybe get one more look at his smiling face before I left, but he changed all of that.**

**He arched his body, pressing up into me. Looking back, I might have gone too far, but I couldn't help it. He was like a hurricane. He could dissolve reality. With a single touch, he could shatter my fragile restraint.**

"_Adam, you have to go don't you?_**" His voice was thick with desperation, but I paid no mind.**

"**They can wait." I said, palming him gently through his pants.**

**I slid my free hand up his side, winding my fingers in his hair.**

_Everything was moving so quickly. I shut my eyes and bit my lip, trying desperately to just be STILL. My body, however, had other plans._

_My fingers grabbed at the sheets in sheer desperation as Adam's found their way to my hair. Again. He knew me too well._

_Please... Do what you want... Just not that! I thought, hoping against all hopes that he'd calm down._

_I'd made my decision. No more sacrificing my own psychological well-being just to satisfy Adam's lust. I'd been pushing my emotions deep down and sealing them there. Covering them up and forcing them from my mind. And all the while… I'd been distracting myself with his body._

_But I just can't do this anymore! I can't keep avoiding this! I was ready to push him off of me and tell it like it was when my fears were realized. His fingers yanked my hair, pulling my head back to bare my neck. Soon his teeth were nipping sharply._

_I moaned loudly and was swept away by the torrent of pleasure let loose by his strong hands._

**I could tell that Tommy was upset by the way his body tensed up. The way he trembled beneath me.**

**But... I was so close already, I couldn't back out.**

**I had a need, and he did too.**

**I knew just what to do.**

**I had been stroking his blonde hair softly, but now I grabbed a handful of the golden silk. A single tug and he was gone.**

**He let loose the most beautiful sound and bucked his hips violently into mine, keening softly.**

**I had to grab him by the hips and hold him still for a few seconds to calm down before I could even react, but before he could collect himself I flipped him onto his back.**

**Heat shot through my veins as I paused to look at him for a moment, before pushing my way in between his legs, thrusting forcefully. Our hips clashed, the soft sound of fabric brushing fabric filling my ears.**

**I kept my eyes on his, and as our gazes met, my face was set ablaze. He was so beautiful. His hair was a mess... He was hot and flushed and panting. His huge brown eyes were glazed with lust.**

**I couldn't resist, I reached up and tugged gently again, sending him over the edge.**

**I had learned through trial and error that hair pulling was one of his greatest weaknesses. If I dared do it on stage, his attitude went from playful and naughty to pure HEAT in an instant. I used this to my advantage as often as possible, coming up behind him, firing him up, and then leaving him to smolder.**

**Hey, I'm a tease. Sue me.**

**But now, one pull was all that was necessary. He lay underneath me, nearly convulsing as he moved his body to meet my thrusts. Gasping at the friction of my stiffness rubbing against his, he threw his head back magnificently. His arms and legs wrapped around me, pulling me closer.**

**There was no way I was stopping now.**

**My body shuddered with painful pleasure as my pace quickened further.**

**"**_A-aaaaaadammm..._**" He whined shrilly, his black painted fingernails clawing my back. "**_I'm... Gonna... Mmmmmmm..._**" his words trailed off into a long moan as I pounded against him.**

**The bed creaked beneath us, and for all I knew half the hotel could hear us. But I didn't care. All I saw was the man of sublime beauty so close to coming apart right beneath me.**

**Feeling a bit evil, I decided to taunt him a bit. Show him how much he needed me. He'd been so hot and cold; I just wanted to see him squirm a bit. No harm done, right?**

**I slowed my movements to a tantalizingly gentle roll of the hips.**

**"What's that, Tommy?" I smirked, rubbing his shoulders softly.**

**He whined impatiently and tried to thrust up against me, but I held his hips against the mattress.**

**"**_Adam! I... Want... Need..._**" he bit his lip, drawing blood. "**_Please!_**"**

**"Hm? I don't follow. What do you want me to do?" A smirk snaked across my lips as he struggled to free himself.**

**"**_Take me! Fuck me! I need you. I need to feel you! Please!_**" he groaned, on the verge of tears. I released my hold on him and started viciously sliding my hips against his.**

**"**_Unnnnnnn... Mmmm... Adam!_**" Words slipped between his lips like a trickle of water, and no matter how hard he tried he didn't seem to be able to stop them.**

**I felt myself getting closer and closer each time my name fell from those beautiful lips.**

**"You like this? Dirty boy..." I mumbled in his ear.**

**"**_Y-Yes!_**"**

**I entwined my fingers in his hair again, tugging first gently but harsher with each pull.**

**"**_Shit Adam! Fuck!_**"**

**He gripped my shoulder harshly, leaving little purple bruises behind. His breathing got shaky and desperate. His eyes closed. His lips parted.**

**Looking at his face, I felt myself rocketing towards release. I knew I wouldn't last much longer, so I yanked his head to the side and attacked the soft skin just above his collarbone. **

**"**_Ah! S... Stop! You're gonna... Make me... Adam! Stop!_**"**

**His voice was shrill as he opened his clouded eyes, crying out in desperation. He tried to push me away, but his arms gave out on him.**

**"Not letting you get out of this one, Baby. You almost there?" I slowed my movements, detaching myself from his neck to look into his eyes. "Answer me."**

**"**_You... You're awful... I'm... Gonna... So soon... Stoooop..._**" he moaned, letting his eyes close.**

**"Me too," I muttered, slowing down even more. "I'm so close... But I wanna make you feel good too..." I leaned down, capturing his lips in a brief kiss.**

**"And I can't mess up my pants... Here, give me your hand..." I produced myself quickly, wrapping his fingers around it.**

**"Nf... There. Now..." I unzipped his pants and freed his aching member. Before I did anything else, I pushed him back so he sat up against the headboard; on my lap again in a mirror of our first night.**

**"Now, just follow me, hm?" I went back to nibbling his neck as I started pumping him, speeding up with every second.**

**He matched my pace, biting his lip fiercely. His free hand was on my shoulder, squeezing tighter and tighter with every move I made.**

**"**_Adam! I..._**"**

**"Almost there? I wanna see you come apart..."**

**"**_I'm... Shit!_**"**

**"That's it. Let go..."**

**He yelped, spewing obscenities, and I felt his warmth run over my hand.**

**I couldn't take it any longer, and soon I was thrusting into his hands, my own seed covering his shirt.**

**"Mmmmmm... That was nice," I said after a few moments. Tommy was a trembling mess, and I almost thought to ask if he was okay, but just then my phone rang.**

**"Shit!" I cleaned myself up with the sheets quickly and jumped out of bed.**

**I ran to the bathroom, grabbing my trusty eyeliner and pulling my phone from my pocket.**

_Tears sprang to my eyes as I lost myself, stains soaking into the front of my shirt. Shame boiled in my chest, but my hands didn't stop moving. Upset as I was, I couldn't do that to him._

_I released my vise-like grip on his shoulder to wrap both hands around him, one above the other, sliding them together. His hands flew up like birds from a cage, one landing on my waist and one threading through my hair._

_I bit my lip for the thousandth time and moved faster and faster as Adam buried his face in my neck. He pushed up into my grip, groaning softly, and bit down on the flesh below my jaw._

_Within a few seconds, it was over._

_He collapsed beside me, being careful not to dirty his clothes._

_Nausea coiled through my gut like some sick worm eating me from deep inside. Our mixed essences coated my... Um I guess his... shirt, seeping through onto my chest._

_"_**Mm that was nice..." **_he mumbled, a sated smile on his full lips._

_I smiled back, but it felt false._

_He peered at me queerly, his mouth opening to say something, but his phone went off. Saved by the bell._

_"_**Shit!**_" he spat the word out as he wiped off with the sheet, jumping up and sprinting to the bathroom._

_I laid in a crumpled cum splattered heap as he answered his call. I could hear enough to know it was Monte._

_For weeks, something had been happening._

_Deep in my heart a storm had been brewing, black clouds boiling and lightning flashing._

_As Adam blew me a kiss and ran out the door… the long overdue rain began to fall, pouring down my cheeks._

_I felt sick._

_Disgusting…_

_Ashamed…_

_Used._

_This isn't right, I thought to myself._

_Wasn't this supposed to be fun?_


	26. Drink It All Away

**When I Think About You**

**Chapter 26**

_I laid on the bed, my shirt still damp and goose bumps starting to form on my exposed skin._

_Barely able to summon up enough energy to move, I pulled the stained sheets over my frail frame._

_Tears were flowing freely down my cheeks, and I laid there shivering slightly until the slight stickiness of my shirt started to irritate me._

_I forced myself to stand up, shedding my filthy clothes. Without thinking, I found a pair of Adam's sweats and pulled them on._

_His scent suddenly overwhelmed me, warming like a blanket and cutting like barbed wire._

_Darkness lapped at the edges of my vision... And I was falling, barely catching myself and leaning heavily against the wall._

_"Shit!" I bit my lip as my head narrowly missed the corner of the wardrobe, cringing as the bitter taste of iron filled my mouth._

_My free hand flew up to my face, shielding me from the dim lamplight that suddenly seemed brighter than the sun._

_After a few minutes, I opened my eyes and took a cautious step away from the wall, testing my legs like a newborn lamb._

_Damn, did I ever need a drink. Once I was sure that the darkness had receded, I walked slowly out of the bedroom. I found just what I needed in the kitchenette. Under one of the counters was a tiny door. _

_Can you say minibar?_

_Smiling to myself, I walked back to the bedroom as quickly as I dared. _

_The simple nightstand contained everything I needed. This hotel gets a fuck yeah for hospitality, I thought to myself. Not that that made any sense. Grabbing the minibar key, a pad of hotel stationary, and a pen, I skipped out of the room._

_In the kitchen again, I scrawled a quick note._

_Adam-_

_Let me know how much they charge you. I'll pay of course._

_Tommy Joe_

_Setting the paper on the counter, I had a moment of indecision. Should I? I grabbed the pen and added a PS. Smiling again, I dropped to my knees and opened the treasure chest before me._

**"**What's up, Adam? You have never been such a wallflower!"

**I looked up from staring at my drink and jumped slightly in surprise when I saw Cam's face mere inches from mine.**

**She noticed, and her lips curved into a brilliant smile**

**"**C'mon! Dance with me,"** she said, grabbing me by the wrist and pulling me from the stool I'd been sitting on.**

"You're Adam Lambert. Don't tell me you've lost your sparkle!"** She wiggled her hips, giggling softly. "Now let's GO!"**

**I couldn't keep myself from smiling, and once we were on the floor I had to laugh out loud at Monte. He danced over to us, breaking his usual serious demeanor to bump against me playfully.**

**As we all moved our bodies to the beat, Cam yelled, "**Now let's show this dump some GLAM!"

**Monte and I hooted in agreement, and for just a few hours, Tommy and the drama that awaited me at the hotel room were the last things on my mind.**

_The room span slowly around me as I flopped onto the couch. The hotel kept the minibar very well stocked. Needless to say, I was very pleased... But I didn't even want to think about how much the cute little bottles were going to cost._

_"None of the fun of a normal bar, at three times to cost!" I said to the empty room, laughing at myself. The sound of my voice, however, was shrill and frightening... So I shut my mouth as quickly as it had opened._

_Wow, I thought, this is pathetic._

_Here I was, drunk in Adam Fucking Lambert's hotel room while everyone else was out having fun._

_"You're a real piece of work, Ratliff." I cringed slightly as nausea rolled in my gut. Groaning in discomfort, I gave voice to what I'd been thinking for so long._

_"You know what? I'll just say it. Adam deserves better. I'm an ugly bitchy fucking bastard." I spoke the words slowly, trying not to slur them together._

_Thinking of all the months I'd let Adam believe he had no chance, that I had no feelings for him, pain ripped through my heart like a bolt of lightning._

_"God... I should just disappear."_

_Memories flashes like a slideshow before my inner eye as tears poured down my cheeks._

_This wasn't how it was supposed to go. I cared about Adam._

_I knew that to be true._

_But... I was overwhelmed._

_No one had ever made me feel like this before._

_When I was around Adam, my mind swam. My skin burned. My heart throbbed. I couldn't control myself. I'd never been like this before. Playing around, being naughty behind everyone's backs like kids... it was crazy and exciting..._

_But it somehow felt dirty._

_"Maybe cause he made me come all over myself and walked straigh' out the door." I said aloud, my tongue slipping slightly from the booze. "Without s'much as a thanks."_

_I licked my lips lightly, cringing at the metallic taste of blood._

_"An' now I feel used up, tossed 'side... like a dirty fuckin slut."_

_Tears dripped from my cheek onto the rough fabric of the sofa._

_Ugh, stop talking, Ratliff._

_Adam was happy. Why was I so fucking selfish? The world didn't revolve around me._

_Groaning in anger and disgust, I pounded my fist into the couch cushion._

_"Fuuuuuck!"_

_Something inside me cracked, letting loose all my troubles as tears. Great heaving sobs wracked my small frame as I buried my face in the pillow to muffle my screams._

_By the time the flow ebbed, I was as sterile and unbiased inside as a python, be it a drunken one._

_I felt empty... Aside from a burning heat I took to be desire flowing from my heart._

_"Addy..." I said to myself, smiling at the sound of his name as I stumbled into the bathroom. "Gotta clean myself up for Addy..." I searched for supplies to wash my eyeliner smeared tear streaked mess of a face._

_Once I was fresh and clean I climbed up on the counter, banging my knee painfully on the edge, and spent a long time carefully applying my makeup._

_Adam'll be mad at me for being like this. It's 'an unhealthy way to manage stress' Tommy, I thought to myself, imagining the disappointed look he'd get. With that image in my mind, I downed another of the adorable little bottles and tossed it clumsily in the general direction of the trash bin._

_Adorable, like Adam... I giggled slightly at that thought although it wasn't funny. I DID adore him._

_He'll be mad. Gotta look good and distract him... Can't hurt him again... I couldn't bear the thought of letting him down._

_Once my makeup was done, sexy smoky eyes and kissable pink lips, I skipped back into the main area of the suite. Nearly falling on my ass several times, I grabbed my iPod from my bag (thank god for Monte) and jumped onto the couch. Now, time to wait._

_With Manson blaring in my ears, "Love Song" to be exact, I thought of my babyboy._

_I was wrong earlier. What filled my chest with warmth wasn't the booze or plain lust._

_I couldn't name it, nor did I ever have a conscious thought about it, but somewhere deep down... I knew what it was._

_It was simple, childlike, unadulterated love._


	27. Your Fault

**When I Think About You**

**Chapter 27**

**"**See ya in the morning, guys!"** Cam smiled and waved at us as she disappeared through her door.**

****

I waved happily and walked with Monte towards our rooms.

****

"So why'd Tommy not come, eh? And where is he?"** Monte asked, raising an eyebrow. **"Not to be nosy."

****

"No, I know. It's odd. I'd almost forgotten. I don't know why. I think he's tired." I ran my fingers through my raven hair, sighing softly.  


****"Okay, just be careful. I have a weird feeling. See you tomorrow!"**  
**

**I pulled my keycard from my wallet, pulling the door open as quietly as possible. I peeked through into complete darkness and frowned when I heard Monte snicker from down the hall. I shot him a warning look, but he just leaned against the wall and chuckled quietly.**

****"Is he in there or should we get a search party going?"

****

I ignored his joke and pushed the door all the way open, nudging the door stopper beneath it with my foot.

****

"Tommy, you in here?" I took a step into the room.  


**Suddenly I was thrown off balance by something, a small object crunched loudly beneath my boot. "Shit!" Looking down, I saw an empty single serving bottle of... Vodka? What the fuck?**

****

"Tommy, are you trying to kill me? Ugh!" I picked up the bottle and tossed it into the trash bin just inside the door. God, please don't let him be drunk..  


**"Honey, are you in there?" I murmured, not wanting to walk further into the pitch blackness for fear of falling and breaking my neck. I stood tapping my foot quietly for a few seconds and reaching for the light switch.  
**

**Before my hand had reached even a foot, I was startled by an excited squeal. From the darkness a hot little projectile tacked me clumsily, knocking me back out of the room and onto the ground. Oh god.  
**

****_"Addddy, ohmygod, I missssed you!"_** Tommy's arms wrapped around my chest and his legs encircled my hips, clinging to me like a man possessed.**

**I had caught myself, and was propped up in an awkward half laying half sitting position, my arms barely able to hold our combined weight.**

****

My heart sank at the stink of booze on Tommy's breath.  


****"See ya later, Addy!"** Monte said, laughing to himself again as he disappeared into his room.**

**Managing to pull myself upright, I wrapped my arms around Tommy and stood up slowly. His hands linked behind my neck as I carried him, carefully oh so carefully, into the suite. I didn't want to be caught in the hallway with a drunken bassist wrapped around me. As the door swung shut I flipped on a small lamp and the gravity of the situation hit me like a bus.**

**The floor was littered with tiny bottles of all shapes and sizes, although they obviously all had contained alcohol. **

"**Oh, glitterbaby, what've you done?"**

"_Been waitin' for YOU!" _**he giggled in my ear, pushing his hips into mine. **

**I shook my head, heart falling further. "Honey…" I walked slowly into the bedroom, being careful not to bump him on anything. "Tommy, I'm going to set you down, okay?" I felt him nod against my cheek. Leaning down, I placed him gently on the bed. I pressed my lips quickly against my cheek and started to stand up, but his surprisingly strong arms clasped behind my back, pulling me down.**

**Luckily I caught myself before I fell all the way. Peering down at him, I got the first good look at his face since I got home. His hair was mussed but his face was flawless; big brown booze-clouded eyes ringed with dark smoky charcoal and crowned with a shimmering dust of silver… His perfect pink lips were slicked with a smooth coat of gloss and glistening in the dim lamplight. **

**Oh god.**

**Calm down, Adam, I commanded myself… but no amount of THINKING could stop the blood rushing down my chest to below my belt. **

**I couldn't let myself lose control again! He was drunk. I didn't know HOW or WHY, but it was clear by the sweet scent of liquor on his breath. So I hovered over him, my arms to each side of his shoulders holding my body above his and my hips between his legs. **

**I was so close to letting go…. But he was DRUNK, dammit! I couldn't take advantage of my glitterbaby like that. **

"_Addy, you're so hot… Why're you so hot?" _**he mumbled, moving his hips slightly with each word.**

"**Yeah, and you're gorgeous, but you're also shitfaced Tommy. How much did you drink?" I asked. I was worried. It wasn't healthy, and I wanted the best for my glitterbaby. **

"_Does it really matter, hmmm?" _**he asked coyly, letting one hand drift from my neck to slide along my jaw. **

"**Yes, Tommy, it does." I frowned slightly as his fingers drifted to my lips, tracing them gently. **

"_You're so perfect… Ya know what? I.. Never wanna be without you." _

**He spoke slowly and seriously, licking his lips before continuing. **

"_I just wanted to say it… 'Cause it's true." _**He had been smiling slightly, but now his expression darkened. **

**I felt a blush creep across my face and had to wait a few seconds before I could speak. **

"**Thanks, glitterbaby. You're amazing too. But… Why are you saying all this? Here, let's get more comfortable if you want to talk." I climbed onto the bed, scooping him up and sliding with him up towards the top of the mattress. **

**His body was pliant, almost limp, so I positioned leaning against the headboard and sat in front of him.**

"**Is there something you want to talk about?" I asked, beginning to worry.**

"_Yeah…"_** he said, looking down and gritting his teeth. **

"**Oh, honey, what's wrong?" I reached out and stroked his cheek softly.**

"_Nothing… Everything… Adam… I… I missed you so much._**"**

"**Tommy, I'm here. I'm back. It's okay…" I murmured to him comfortingly, scooting closer.**

"_No… I mean… God, Adam, I'm so sorry._**"**

**He bit his lip and tears gathered in his eyes. My heart wrenched painfully at the sight of him in this condition.**

"**I'm not mad, there's no reason to be sorry. Everything's okay."As the last word left my lips, his head snapped up and his eyes bored into mine.**

"_NO. It's NOT. Don't lie to me. This… this whole thing is so messed up." _

**I leaned back slightly, stung by the power of his words.**

"_I heard you, y'know. You thought I was 'sleep, but I wasn't. I heard you." _

"**What're you…" The meaning of his words struck me as suddenly as a bolt of lightning. That night. My whispered words… But that's impossible… He'd been asleep…**

**My cheeks burned with embarrassment, and it was my turn to look down. **

"**Oh…"**

"_Yeah, oh. What tha Fuck, Addy? Why'd you hafta say that? I was… I was so comfortable in my lil' innocent world… and you turned it upside down." _

**He groaned loudly and laid his hands over his bare stomach. **

"_An' now I can't even fuckin' think. God. Fuck you, Adam."_

"**So… this is my fault, now?" I whined, aware of how bitchy and defensive I sounded but unable to stop it. **

"_M'hm. Pretty much."_

"**What'd I do?" I snapped at him, feeling completely attacked.**

**Anger flashed through my veins and I looked up, prepared to lash out, but what I saw stopped me in my tracks.**

**Tommy was still laying awkwardly back against the headboard, but a single tear had made its mark, drawing a line of makeup and pain down his perfect face. **

**He gazed at me with such naked emotion that I groaned slightly in remorse. **

"_What'd you do, Addy? What'd you DO?"_

**His voice grew in volume, and a glint of fire shimmered in his soulful eyes, but it was quickly drowned out by pain. **

"_I'll tell you wha' the FUCK you did, you asshole." _

**He reached out, grabbing me by the hair and yanking me down on top of him.**

**He kept pulling until my face was right beside his.**

**I shuddered as his lips grazed my ear…**

**And then those beautiful lips formed one small sentence that, spoken quietly, both devastated and enlightened me…**

"_You made me feel._**"**


	28. Unexpected

Hey guys!  
Sorry for the delay!  
Today I am home (I'm sick) so  
I decided to take the time to finally post this.  
Hope you like it!  
Comment and gimme some love or hate, it helps a lot.  
Thanks again for sticking around through this story  
for so long. I am pleased to say that the end is near.

You guys and your support have been the driving force  
behind it, so AGAIN, thanks! 

**When I Think About You**

**Chapter 28**

_"You made me feel."_

_As I was whispering into Adam's ear, tears filled my eyes._

_I released the handful of raven hair that I'd been clutching and pushed him away, an unhappy expression appearing on my face._

_Nausea boiled inside of me. God... I really shouldn't drink this much. My mind was rapidly clouding over. Wait, was this even real? On second thought..._

_Before I could contemplate any further, a deep rush of heat washed over me. Guess those last few drinks were kicking in. I felt my head lean back into the wall. Sweat dampened my hair, making it stick to my face. DAMN did that piss me off._

_I tried to raise my hand to push a particularly annoying lock out of my face, but I couldn't quite get my muscles to cooperate._

_"Shit."_

_I cursed repeatedly as that oh so familiar darkness crept again in the corners of my vision. It swam and swayed and threatened to engulf me..._

_Hm. This was all very odd._

_I hadn't ever felt like THIS before..._

_Something was wrong._

_A dull sense of alarm rang bells in the back of my mind, but I couldn't seem to make myself care._

_I just wanted to sleep. Whether or not I woke up... Well... Details, details. I never was too careful about all the little things anyways._

_I just needed to sleep..._

**"Tommy?"**_ The sound of a voice came to me through the darkness. Someone was calling my name._

_Who... Oh yeah. Adam. I slowly forced my grainy eyes open. That's funny... I didn't remember closing them._

_Adam... I had to... I had to talk to him, right. I think. Maybe._

_I was dimly aware of my lips parting, and words slipping from between them like fish ... With no effort on my part._

_Everything was so warm and cold, numbingly painful. So unreal._

_Was this a dream? Was I even here?_

_I realized suddenly that I didn't care._

_And that scared me a little._

**The sound of Tommy's slurred voice broke my heart. Just moments ago he had uttered those words... That little insight into his heart... But his condition was rapidly going south.**

**He had pulled me onto him to whisper in my ear and for a second I thought he was going to kiss me... But his face warped with emotion and he shoved me away. I was startled and fell to the side. He groaned, obviously feeling ill, and seemed to almost... Melt. His face dripped with sweat and his hair was plastered to his skin. His hand moved as if to brush it away, but after a few seconds it fell softly back to the bed.**

**His head fell back and he grew still.**

**That's when I got really worried. I crawled back to him, calling his name. After I repeated it a few times his eyes opened lazily. They took several Painstaking seconds to focus on me, and once they did Tommy smiled sleepily.**

**I sighed in relief, but inwardly I feared that the worst was yet to come.**

_"Oh... Hmmmmm... This... Is pretty fucked up, huh? Or I am."_** he giggled, but the sound was harsh and humorless. **_"Or both I guess."_

**"Oh Glitterbaby, what've you done to yourself?" I mumbled more to myself than to him, leaning back against the headboard and pulling him into my lap. All sorts of protective instincts and hormones filled my chest as I wiped his face with my hand, pushing his hair back out of his eyes. I didn't know what to do, so I just stroked his head lovingly. I was so unsure. Especially after what he said...**

_"Adam?"_** Tommy called out to me, a quiet fear evident in his voice.**

**"Yes, glitterbaby?"**

_"Don't leave me, okay?"_

**"I won't! I would Never!" I said firmly, feeling slightly insulted. The tone of his voice, however, changed my anger to despair and sent waves of pain through my soul.**

**He gazed up into my eyes and his lips curved into a sad smile. A smile of resigned acceptance.**

_"You would. It's okay. Everyone does. At some point. Just... Not now, okay?"_

**He let his head fall forwards, his bangs hanging limply to cover his face. But I still saw the tears falling like a gentle rain.**

**"Honey, I will never leave you. Not now, not ever."**

_"Mmmm... Don't believe you... But thanks."_

**We sat in silence for a few minutes, me with one arm wrapped around him, petting his hair and depserately trying to calm down, and him sinking deeper into his inebriated stupor.**

_"I... I'm so sorry Addy!"_** he said suddenly. A note of urgency marked his voice as he grabbed my arm, squeezing hard.**

**"No honey, it's alright. Don't worry. You'll be fine in the morning."**

_"Noooo... That's not what I mean... Or... It is... But.. Ohhh..."_** he groaned loudly. **_"God, I'm gonna puke."_

**His body tensed in my arms. **_"Adam... I feel sick..." _**I could feel his stomach lurching. He was serious.**

**"Oh! Come here, I'll carry you! Bathroom, now!" I pulled him into my arms, actually struggling to lift his limp body. Even I can't always lift a hundred or so pounds of dead weight. "Can you help me out a little?"**

_"Ugh.. I'll try..."_** He wrapped his arms around my neck, and with his help I trudged into the bathroom. As I walked I had to pause and kick bottles out of my way.**

**I couldn't even believe what he'd done to himself.**

**I flicked the light on and set him down gently in front of the toilet.**

**"Here we are. Now if you throw up it's no big deal."**

**He responded by immediately leaning into the porcelain bowl and gagging up a horrible clear greenish liquid. The stench of bile and alcohol filled the room in an instant.**

**"Oh, honey..." I murmured, running to the sink, wetting a washcloth and drawing a glass of water.**

**Beside him again, I dropped to my knees. "All done?" I asked.**

**He looked up into my eyes questioningly, as if seeking the answer in my baby blues.**

_"I... I think so..."_** he said, his tone almost... Cute. Wait... What was I thinking?**

**He leaned into me, moaning quietly.**

_"Ugh... Yeah I'm all done."_

**His voice was sad and his lips formed a perfect childlike pout. Oh dear. Not this again.**

**I reached out and flushed the toilet, almost cringing at the smell. But he was my glitterbaby and I had to take care of him no matter what.**

**"Good. Feel better? Let me clean you up." I used the washcloth to wipe his face, smoothing back his tangled hair.**

_"Ah..."_** he leaned back and sighed as I ran the cool cloth over his heated skin. Once I was satisfied that he was clean, I tossed the cloth aside and grabbed the glass.**

**"Here, drink this." I held out the water but he just leaned on me more heavily and looked up into my eyes blankly.**

**"Okay then. Here..." I placed the glass against his lips before tilting it slightly. **

**Suddenly heat flared under my belt despite the circumstances as I watched those soft pink petals part and sip the water slowly.**

**He shivered in appreciation as the cool liquid soothed his burning throat.**

**I pulled the glass away after a few seconds. I couldn't have him chugging water and throwing up again.**

_"Hey!"_

**"Shhhh you can have more in a second. Let's go back to the room. Can you stand?"**

**I stood up slowly, taking his hands in mine and helping him to his feet. He stood unsteadily for a few seconds before leaning heavily onto me again.**

**"Okay... Let's go." I turned towards the door but Tommy resisted.**

**"What's up?"**

_"Uh... I n-need..."_** he stuttered, his already flushed face darkening further.**

**"You need...?"**

_"I gotta pee..."_** he said quickly. His tongue slipped slightly but I got the point.**

**"Oh... Well then... Can you... Can you stand?" I felt my own cheeks burn. "On your own that is..."**

_"I... Think so..."_** he leaned less heavily on me, testing his legs.**

**"Okay... I'll wait outside the door." I rubbed his shoulder gently and turned to leave but I was halted by a small whine.**

**I turned back, looking into those big brown eyes. "What's wrong, Tommy?"**

_"Can... Could you... Would you... Stay?" _**He asked quietly. And who could say no to that adorable face?**

**"Of course, honey..." I went into ultra-platonic Mommy-Adam mode, gently wrapping my arms around him and letting my eyes drift shut.**

**Once he had done his business and his pants were pulled back up (were those MY sweatpants?) he leaned forwards clumsily to flush. And kept leaning. And kept leaning. Shit! I grabbed him quickly just as he was about to fall face first into the porcelain throne.**

_"S-sorry..."_** he stuttered nervously. His arms slithered around my waist like twin snakes.**

**"Gosh... Let's get you somewhere more Tommy-safe. Gonna crack your head open in here!" No longer trusting him around anything hard and potentially dangerous, I walked him slowly to the bed.**

**"I guess you're staying here again, huh?" I frowned slightly. How could we possibly continue keeping this from the band? True, we were all packing up and leaving the hotel in the morning anyways... But still, it was kind of hard not to notice… Especially with Tommy insisting upon wearing my clothes. Oh well.**

**As I helped Tommy onto the bed, he got a strange glint in his eyes... **

**And he smiled slightly as he let his hand trail from my shoulder directly to the crotch of my jeans, palming me firmly.**

**Shockwaves of pleasure ripped through me at the sudden assault and a strangled moan escaped me.**

_"Oops... Sorry,"_** he giggled to himself, pulling his hand back playfully and falling back onto the plush pillows.**

**God. I needed to calm down. I stood still and shut my eyes, trying to will away my arousal. I had almost succeeded when strong slim fingers wrapped around my wrist. My eyes snapped open and met his. His makeup was streaked and smudged... **

**But that just made it sexier.**

**'No, Adam. You can't think this way right now. A couple minutes ago he couldn't even pee on his own. He's drunk. You can NOT take advantage of him like that.' I thought to myself. As my mind waged its inner war, the temperature in the room seemed to rise.**

_"Thanks for helpin' me, Babyboy. I feel MUCH better already..." his_** voice was still slurred, but definitely clearer than it had been.**

**This didn't make sense. Why would he suddenly...**

_"Addy... My tummy hur's. Come lay with me! I'm Sick!"_** he whined, tugging on my arm. Great. He was back to acting like a child...**

**"TommyJoeRatliff," I started, saying his name as one word, "You are NOT sick. You're just piss drunk."**

_"Ohhh yeah? Well... Y'know wha'?" _**he asked, pulling harder on my arm and sitting up clumsily. **_"Uh oh..."_** I saw fear flash briefly in his eyes as he fell back onto the bed, dragging me with him.**

**His legs parted and our hips smashed together.**

**"Unf! Tommy!" I groaned as pain and pleasure flowed up my spine. "I've had just about enough of this. You're drunk. You just need to sleep. I don't want any more messing around."**

_"Oh, this says different..."_** he murmured sexily, and before I knew it his hand was in my pants, quick as a minnow. His fumbling fingers wrapped around my frustratingly obvious arousal.**

**"Tommy. Stop it. You don't know what you're doing..." I tried to pull away but his legs wrapped around my waist.**

_"Addy-don't-leave-meeeeee!"_** he screeched, moving his hand ever so slightly. **_"You PROMISED."_

**I flinched in shock. His grip on me slowed my thought process... Ugh... **

**Wait... why was I resisting?**

**"H-honey. I won't leave you... But I'm not going to fuck you either..." I said, hating the reality of my words. I wanted to... But I couldn't.**

_"Fine." _**his hand squeezed once, hard, before pulling away, and I bit my lip gently.**

_"Damn ya, Addy. Now look!"_** he motioned clumsily to his own problem, very obvious through his (for real, I think those are MINE) sweats.**

_"And I'm too drunk to do anything 'bout it. And it's your fault. Thanks."_** he squirmed beneath me.**

**Ugh. What was I going to do with this boy? Well... He probably won't remember any of this... What's the harm?**

**"Want me to take care of that for you?" I lowered my face to his, kissing him softly.**

_"Please!"_** he practically begged, giving me his best puppy dog (or should I say kitty cat) eyes.**

**"Okay. But just this once. Next time you get drunk and trash my hotel room, you'll get a slap on the wrist and be shown the door. Okay?" I knew it wasn't true but I could NOT encourage this kind of behavior.**

_"Mhm I Promise."_** he nodded a few times as if to assure me of his honesty.**

**"Okay. You ready?" and without waiting for an answer, I yanked down his (BITCH those ARE mine) sweatpants and swallowed him whole.**

**He threw back his head and gripped a handful of the bed sheets, completely blown away.**

_And then he did it. As his beautiful freckled lips parted, promising wicked things to come, my mouth flew open. As those wicked promises came true, words snuck out through the warm haze of intoxication that clouded my mind._

_I didn't even realize WHAT I had said until he reacted._

_"Ah! Adam! I... Love you!"_** he moaned, winding his long fingers into my hair.**

**I sputtered, nearly choking. What did he just say? He took a deep shaky breath and spoke again, his voice barely above a whisper.**

_"I love you."_


	29. Be Quiet

**When I Think About You**

**Chapter 29**

"_I love you." _

**My heart jumped in my chest and I pulled my head up, looking at the man before me. His head was thrown back and his flawless face glistened with a fine sheen of sweat. **

"**Tommy. Don't. You've had too much; you don't know what you're saying." **

**I frowned slightly. That… wasn't something that I took lightly. It wasn't something to just say when you didn't mean it. Although that night… when I thought he was sleeping… shit… I'm such a loser… but…UGH. I reached up in frustration and stroked his cheek gently. **

"_It's true… Never thought I'd be sayin' this but…"_

"**Stop." I said, squeezing my eyes shut as if that would stop him from speaking. **

"_It's true… Jus' sayin'…" _**and with that, he pushed my head back down onto him. **

**I moved automatically, finishing the job in just minutes… but the whole time my mind was elsewhere. **

**As I swallowed everything that Tommy had to offer, my thoughts raced.**

"_Oh… I love you…" _**Tommy's fingers twisted into my hair as he groaned softly. **

**I opened my mouth, releasing him with a quiet pop, and pulled his (MY) sweatpants back up on his hips.**

"_Are you fuckin' listening?_**" he yanked my hair sharply.**

"**Yes, Tommy. I'm listening and I want you to be quiet."**

**Confusion and a faint hope swirled in my chest…**

**NO… He's drunk. It doesn't mean shit for him to say that, I thought. **

"_I wanna say it!_**" he whined, pulling my hair again.**

"**Shhh… just calm down, glitterbaby. We'll talk about it in the morning."**

"_NO._**" My head snapped up as he grabbed me by the collar of the shirt and yanked hard.**

"_C'mere._**" **

**I paused for a moment, looking at him. "What?"**

"_Wanna say something._**"**

**I sighed and crawled up the bed, settling in beside him. **

"**Yes, Tommy?"**

**He frowned and, breathing softly, leaned in so his lips touched my ear.**

"_I. Love. You._**" **

**And again… my heart raced.**

"**Okay… I think it's bed time, no?" I asked gently, trying to sit up.**

**My efforts were halted, however, by the sudden sharp nip of teeth clamping down on my ear.**

"**Ouch! Tommy, stop it!" I yelped, tears springing to my eyes. Once the initial shock was gone, I reached up and grabbed a handful of his platinum fringe and jerked harshly. **

**I felt a twinge of grim satisfaction as his jaw flew open, a thin cry escaping through where my ear once was. **

"**Shit! Are you rabid!" I pushed his head down, his cheek smashed down against the pillows.**

"**Tommy, you need to go to bed now, okay?" I said, keeping my voice low and authoritative. **

**He whined softly, his bottom lip quivering as he replied. **

"_Okay…_**" **

"**Alrighty then." I released the handful of hair and leaned back down, kissing his cheek softly. **

"**I'm sorry, Tommy." **

**I kissed him again, this time on the lips.**

**As my mouth enveloped his, his body arched up against me and his hand flew to the back of my head, pulling me down. He returned the kiss with a fervent passion, opening himself to me completely and sending a jolt of heat through my spine. But he was still drunk… and I needed to control myself. **

**I broke away far sooner than I wanted to, earning a whine of disappointment from the smaller man. **

**But like I said… he was drunk and recently satisfied, so He couldn't stay upset for long. **

"**So are you going to go to bed now, mister?" I asked, sitting up and ruffling his hair.**

"_M'hm! I will!"_

**He smiled up at me cutely before yawning… And the next time his mouth opened, my heart lurched. **

_I finally said it, and as the words left my mouth it felt so right that I said it again… And again… Adam's head jerked and he looked up at me with wide blue eyes. _

_He bumbled something about me not knowing what I was saying, which pissed me the fuck off. So I denied it and pushed him back down onto me._

_My head span from the alcohol and I knew I'd feel like shit during the show the next day.. but I really didn't care. Adam went back to business and I didn't last much longer._

_Under attack by his skillful tongue, I lost myself completely, repeating those words over and over._

_I opened my eyes briefly, heat flaring in my chest at the sight before me. Adam had a queer look on his face as he swallowed, his tongue lapping at me slowly. _

_I took my bottom lip in between my teeth, gnawing on it to keep quiet, but I again lost control as his lips parted with a quiet pop. _

_Words poured from within me and my heart dropped at his reaction. _

_He frowned._

_And he dismissed me. _

_I repeated myself, petting his hair sensuously, and he told me to be quiet. _

_What the fuck. _

_Finally I'd had enough._

"_C'mere," I said, tugging on the collar of his shirt._

"_Wanna say something."_

_He gave me a puzzling look and came up the bed, lying down beside me. _

"**Yes, Tommy?" **

_I frowned to myself before leaning in close so my lips brushed his ear._

"_I. Love. You." I said the words defiantly and hopefully. _

_His breath hitched slightly and I waited, breathing slowly against his skin. _

_He took a deep shaky breath and collected himself before speaking. _

"**Okay… I think it's bed time, no?" **_he asked, evading my confession yet again. Why wasn't he RESPONDING, dammit? I was too messed up to deal with these fucking mind games. I couldn't read his face, and anger boiled within me. _

_Without thinking, I kissed the top of his ear and bit down hard, not letting go. _

"**Ouch! Tommy stop it!" **_He sat in shock for a few seconds… but then he growled, grabbing a fistful of my hair and jerking. A small yelp was torn from my throat and when my jaw unclenched, Adam sighed in relief. He pulled my head to the side and sat up, forcing my face into the pillows. _

"**Tommy, you need to go to bed now, okay?" **_he said… The dominance and fierceness of his voice combined with my overloaded nerve endings from his grip on my hair, melting me into a pile of submissive drunk goo._

_All I could do was comply. _

"_Okay…" I whispered, closing my eyes. I could feel my lower lip trembling, and Adam must have seen it too because I felt his hand release my tortured locks. _

_An instant later, I felt his full sexy mouth press against my cheek. _

"**I'm sorry, Tommy." **

_He paused again for a moment…. And gently turned my head to the side, his lips meeting mine. _

_Instantly, the heat of the moment sent shockwaves of pleasure through my body. I moved against him, trying to get closer, and kissed him back as fiercely as I could. _

_Just as I was getting into it, however, he pulled away. _

_We laid there, breathing hard for a few seconds until he spoke. _

"**So are you going to go to bed now, mister?"**

_He rubbed my hair teasingly. _

"_M'hm! I will!" I smiled, nuzzling my head against his chest. The booze was taking its toll and I was getting close to sleep. _

"_Just one thing, though."_

**I waited for a moment, afraid of what the beautiful man beside me was going to say. **

"**Yes, Tommy?" **

"_Stay with me until I fall asleep?" _**His big brown eyes peered up at me expectantly, waiting for an answer.**

**My heart overflowed with emotions at that, and a smile formed on my lips.**

"**Of course, glitterbaby."**

**I laid back down, Tommy instantly melding to my side, and pulled the covers over us.**

"**Night night honey." I murmured, reaching to the nightstand and turning off the lamp, leaving the room in complete darkness…**

**And from that darkness I drew strength.**

"**Tommy?"**

"_Yeah?"_

**Deep breaths, Adam. Deep breaths. You can do it…**

**I laid in the darkness listening to my racing heart until I finally got up the courage. **

"**I love you too."**


	30. I'm Weak

**When I Think About You**

**Chapter 30**

_I awoke in the night to the silence of the empty room. My head throbbed dully and confusion overwhelmed me. _

"_Adam?" I called into the darkness but earned no response. For a few moments I was baffled by the strange surroundings, but once I found the bedside lamp, I understood. Sort of. The dim amber light filled the room which proved to be very much empty._

_I kicked and struggled my way free of the tangled sheets, climbing unsteadily to my feet._

_I stumbled over to the bathroom, peeking inside, but the cool tiled chamber was as empty as the bedroom. _

_Where was Adam?_

_Pushing my hair out of my face, I walked cautiously through the blackness pouring from the door out of the room._

"_Adam?" _

_My voice sounded small and weak and I mentally scolded myself. Don't be a pussy. You're a man. Get it together, Ratliff._

_I stopped in the doorway, gathering my wits for a second, and flipped on the lights. _

_The vacant room seemed to jump at me from the darkness like some sort of predator intent on ripping me apart… and that it did._

_With the knowledge that Adam had left me for some unknown reason came a strong rush of emotion._

_My heart panged with an unwarranted sense of betrayal. _

_Where could he have gone?_

_I glanced at the clock that sat softly glowing on the table by the sofa. _

_6:30, it read._

"_Shit." My hangover had barely even begun but the day would be hell, I could tell. We had a show, and then we had to pile onto the busses and go to the next city. _

_But more important to my still drunk mind was where the fuck Adam ran off to._

_I could see a faint glow from behind the thick curtains covering the room's only window. Daybreak was near._

_So where the fuck was Adam?_

_Grabbing my creepers and a sweatshirt, I set out to find him._

**As my glitterbaby fell asleep in my arms, I dozed lightly. It was so warm and comfortable… But I had things to do… So I couldn't fall asleep… I had to go clean and… And my eyes drifted shut, the sneaky sandman sending me deep down into the world of butterflies and flying dogs and beautiful lips and sexy hips and skin so white and smooth and sweat and sex and Tommy…**

**A few hours later, I woke from pleasant dreams to a faint light peeking in through the curtains. Looking at the clock, I gasped. Almost 5 am… Tommy moaned quietly in his sleep beside me, rolling in my direction with arms outstretched. **

"_Addy…_**" he mumbled, smiling sweetly. I felt my eyes tear up briefly as I slipped silently out of the bed. **

**I stood up and smoothed out my wrinkled clothing, frowning slightly… But my face was overtaken by a smile as I glanced down at my little sleeping beauty. **

**His lips were parted slightly, his hair a tangled mess, and his face smeared and smudged with leftover makeup… but nonetheless it was one of the most beautiful sights I had ever seen. **

**Unable to resist the temptation, I leaned down and pecked him lightly on the cheek, being careful not to wake him. **

"**Sleep well, glitterbaby… you drunk little elf, you." I giggled quietly and stood back up, getting back to business. **

"**This is gonna be hard…" I whispered to myself, glancing at the huge mess that Tommy had made of my hotel room. **

**Bottles were laying everywhere, clothes strewn across the floor, his makeup covering the entirety of the bathroom counter… he'd really made himself comfortable tonight, hadn't he? **

**I sighed, treading lightly into the bathroom to begin my damage-control cleaning. **

**Shuffling around the hotel room silent as a cat, I slowly cleaned and picked up and organized the entirety of the chaos caused by Tommy's drunken misadventures. **

**I filled a whole trashbag with the rubbish that had been thrown this way and that, and tiptoed into the kitchen to throw it into the big trashcan. **

**It was there that I found out where the fuck Tommy had gotten all these single serving bottles in the first place. The mini-bar was cracked open, and upon further inspection it proved to be entirely empty save for a lonely bottle of mineral water. **

**I shook my head, making a small sound of disapproval. I didn't like Tommy doing this to himself. It just wasn't healthy. **

"**Must've been one hell of a selection," I murmured, frowning. I didn't count the bottles but there were an awful lot more than I had expected to be in a mini bar, for God's sake! Guess the premium rates we paid for this hotel stay weren't for nothing after all. **

**I closed the little door and tossed the trash into the garbage can, dusting my hands off on my pants. Smiling in relief, I turned to leave but a piece of paper lying on the counter caught my eye. **

"**What's this?" I asked, curious. **

**I walked over and found that it was hotel stationary, and a smile formed on my lips as I recognized the handwriting as Tommy's.**

**I read the note, my lips moving along to the words. **

_Adam-_

_Let me know how much they charge you._

_I'll pay of course._

_Tommy Joe_

**Ha, he better pay! I thought jokingly. I almost threw the paper out before noticing a PS written on the very bottom. **

**Tears sprang to my eyes as I read the tiny print. The words had been scribbled quickly, smashed together as if Tommy had been trying to condense the thoughts themselves; thoughts that were too big and too strong to be contained by mere ink on paper.**

_PS: I'm sorry for always being such a disappointment. I'm just not strong like you. I'm weak. _

_I hope you'll forgive me, because I don't know what I'd do without you, babyboy. _

_Love-_

_Your glitterbaby_


	31. Lost Puppy

**When I Think About You**

**Chapter 31**

**After finding the note from Tommy my heart was aglow with emotion. I alternated between joy at the fact that he had such strong feelings for me, terror as a result of the "L-word" disappointment in Tommy for getting so messed up, and anger at myself for being oblivious to my baby's suffering.**

**I busied myself cleaning up the rest of the room, packing my belongings as well as Tommy's that were strewn everywhere. Once I was satisfied that everything was together, I grabbed fresh clothes and my bath supplies.**

**I walked back to the bed and looked down at the man sleeping soundly, smiling to myself and kissing him on the cheek briefly before heading to Tommy's room.**

**I needed to shower but didn't want to wake him, so I had taken his room key from his suitcase. Besides, I needed to make sure his room was picked up so we could leave.**

**In his room, I quickly cleaned up the remainder of his stuff before making a beeline for the shower. Under the pulsing streams of water, I stripped my body of the makeup and sweat and sex of last night. Even after I was clean, I lingered in the shower stall for a few moments and let the hot water relax me… But I had things to do so after less than half an hour I turned the water off and wrapped a towel around my waist. **

**I stepped out of the bathroom, steam rushing around me and into the hallway. The cool air stung my skin and I stood in the doorway for a moment, savoring the sensation. Suddenly a loud knock directly beside me jolted me from my daydream. I jumped with surprise, my heart leaping up my throat.**

**Who could that be, I wondered. It wasn't even 6 am. Please, god OH god don't let it be a fan. **

**I pulled my towel tighter around my waist and walked to the door, bending down to look through the peep hole. Not a foot from my face was that of an exhausted and grumpy looking Monte. **

**I sighed in relief and pulled open the door, but what I saw surprised me. It wasn't merely Monte, it was Monte with Tommy in tow. My musical director rubbed his eyebrows, frowning. **

"**I found this crying at my door… Does this fine young man belong to you?"**

**Tommy looked down, his face flushing fiercely. My heart warmed as I paused for a moment and watched him squirm. **

**"Yeah I believe that belongs to me." I said, opening the door fully since there obviously weren't any fans around.**

**"Good. I thought he might be a stray, dressed like that." Monte said, grinning despite his obvious exhaustion.**

**I smiled and looked at Tommy, who blushed when I caught him staring. He was wearing my sweat pants, his creepers, and a baggy sweatshirt. He peeked up at me through his tangled fringe for a few seconds and then looked back at his feet sheepishly.**

**I snapped my fingers and beckoned for him to come, as one would do to a dog, and couldn't help bit smirk as he instantly shuffled through the door and took his place at my side. His arms slipped around my waist and his eyes slipped closed.**

**"Well thanks for bringing him, Monte. You should go get some more sleep." I put my arm around Tommy's shoulder and tilted my head slightly, gesturing to the boy and making a questioning face.**

**Monte just shrugged, yawning and saying "Okay. No problem, man. Don't want him to get kittynapped or something. See you later."**

**I shut the door, sighing.**

**"So what seems to be the problem, glitters?"**

**Tommy slid to the side slightly and pulled me tighter against him, our hips meeting and his cheek against my chest. I gasped at the sudden contact, grabbing him by the waist and holding our bodies apart.**

"**Okay then, let's calm down now, huh?" I said quickly, fighting the urge to just slam the smaller man against the wall and do despicable things to him.**

"**Mmm… Adam I… I didn't… Gah!" Tommy whined, twisting his hips from my grip and once again forcing his body against mine. He leaned into me, moving slowly and overwhelming my nerve endings. I wrapped my arms around him as he started weeping softly, confused and worried.**

"**You didn't what, honey? It's okay... shhh…" I leaned down, kissing the top of his head. "It's okay. What's wrong?"**

**He lifted his head from my bare chest, looking straight into my eyes. "I… I thought you left me." **

**My heart lurched painfully as Tommy once again buried his face in my neck. I grabbed him by the hair, jerking his head up a little too harshly. Glaring into those golden-brown eyes yet again, I nearly spat the words at him.**

"**Tommy. Don't. You. Ever. Say. Something. Like. That. Again." I maintained my gaze, and he stared up at me like a frightened puppy unable to look away. "You KNOW I wouldn't do that. I would NEVER do that. Don't you understand? I…" my knees went weak as I realized what I was about to do. **

_When I told Adam that I thought he'd left, his whole aura changed suddenly. I could FEEL the tension radiating off of him like heat from a sun baked sidewalk. I pressed my face into his neck again, praying that he wasn't angry with me, but my fears were seemingly realized when I felt his fingers in my hair, grabbing a fistful and using it to wrench my head back up. _

"**Tommy. Don't. You. Ever. Say. Something. Like. That. Again."**

_Each word was like a slap in the face, and I stared up at him with tears in my eyes. _

"**You KNOW I wouldn't do that. I would NEVER do that. Don't you understand? I…"**

_Fear turned to excitement, turned to confusion, turned to uneasiness. His grip on my hair weaned for a moment and I could almost HEAR the gears turning in his head as he tried to think of what to say. My heart raced. My breath quickened. My face heated up. _

_Could he…?_

_Would he…?_

"**Listen, I know this whole thing has been super fucking weird… but… Tommy… I love you."**


	32. Never Apart

IT'S OVER.  
THE END.  
GOODNESS, this has been a long road!  
Thank you guys so much for sticking with me!  
I'm VERY proud to bring you... the FINAL chapter of WITAY!  
Let me know what you think

**When I Think About You**

**Chapter 32**

***Final Chapter***

** The crowd roared; the lights flashed; the music blared like the battle-horn of some fierce GlamNation army. My voice rang out over the writhing masses like thunder. **

** "So I got my boots on, got the right 'mount of leather and I'm doin' me up with a black color liner… And I'm workin' my strut but I know it don't matter… All we need in this world is some love…" **

** My heart raced as the moment neared and seemed to stop when it came.**

** "Wanna meet my band?" **

_ I could feel my breath quicken as the time for the band intro began. What would he do? I'd been startled when Fever went normally…_

**"On the keys… Rock it, Miss Camila Grey!"**

_ Cam's solo fluttered beautifully in one ear and out the other. No offense to her, she's amazing at what she does… but my mind was elsewhere. _

_ Adam and I had talked earlier, and I'd given him permission, effectively, to do whatever he wanted short of fucking me onstage. We'd decided: no more hiding. _

** "Yeah, Isaac!" **

_ My heart stopped._

**A dramatic pause, catch my breath, big smile, and go.**

** "And now… On the bass…" I paused to let the fan girls scream in expectation as they always did, moving towards Tommy. **

** "This is TommyJoe, you like him?" I placed one arm around his tiny shoulders as he melted against my side. **

** "He's pretty, huh?" They screamed again, showing their obvious agreement. Tommy trembled beside me, peering up through his bangs into my eyes. He looked hot and bothered and scared to death. Poor thing. **

_"Oh god, I thought. God, PLEASE! Adam… just do something! Tension was coiling in my stomach and I was beginning to sweat. Please… _

** "M'hm, he's a pretty kitty for sure." More screams. I paused again, drawing out the palpable tension of the moment. **

** "I hope you guys don't like him TOO much, 'cause…" I paused again, taking a long look at my glitterbaby's face. He was so perfect.**

** "Because… sorry girls… he's MINE."**

** I felt Tommy swoon, nearly falling, but I held him up. For a second we stood in silence as the room hushed, the fans trying to process what I'd said. But, literally a second later, the venue shook with the combined screams of thousands. **

** Screams of joy.**

** Never in my life had I seen such joy and elation on so many faces… just because of me. They really did love me, in their own way, and to see all my beloved fans so happy FOR me… it meant a lot. I had to move along quickly or I'd get swept up in emotion. **

** "On the bass, Mister TommyJoe Ratliff!" A slap on the booty got him playing, and I backed away to calm myself. **

** I could feel the band staring good-intentioned daggers into my back but I ignored it. This was OUR moment, and we could explain later.**

_ I felt a literal flood of adrenaline rush through my veins, setting my chest on fire. It was as if someone had injected acid into my heart: a gently painful, tingling, HOT sensation spreading from my core. My fingers flew across the bass strings and I let my eyes slip shut._

_ It was all too much. _

_ Soon enough, however, my solo was over. I opened my eyes, glancing quickly over the crowd and then back to where the dancers stood off to the side. For a split second, I caught Taylor staring at me with an odd expression on his face… Something like disappointment. But as soon as I saw it, it was gone and replaced with his famously infectious smile. There still seemed to be a hint of sadness in his deep brown eyes, eyes that so often enchanted me with their gleeful innocence, but that might have just been a trick of the light. He winked, raising his index and middle finger in the peace-sign that held so much meaning for the glamtroupe. 'It's okay, Tommy, it's okay to love him' is what his body language seemed to be trying to say. Damn, that boy was presh. _

_The rest of the concert passed in a blur, and before I knew it we were walking offstage to the loudest applause we'd ever received. _

** As soon as we were out of sight of the crowd, the band pounced. Tommy and I were virtually cornered, against a wall with the band and dancers in a semi-circle in front of us. Monte hung back guiltily, standing behind a very flustered Isaac.**

"How long've you two been at it, then?" **Sasha asked with her usual complete lack of tact.**

"And why did no one tell me this?" **Brooke faked anger, baring her teeth and making playful punching motions.**

** Feeling overwhelmed, I glanced at Monte for help. Everyone followed my eyes, staring at the guitarist who was now just as trapped as Tommy and I.**

"I…" Monte started.

"You knew?" **Isaac gasped, putting a hand on his hip and shaking his head. **"And you didn't tell anyone… why?"

"I…" Monte blushed, he actually blushed, and rubbed his forehead with the back of his sleeve.

"Guys, don't g-gang up on him. It's not his fault. We threatened to tickle him to death… Anyways… Why does it matter? It's all out in the open now. End of story, let's move on."

** Everyone whipped around to the source of the voice. Tommy. I smiled down at my glitterbaby, more proud than I'd ever been. As he spoke, I could tell that he was striving to look strong and confident, but as he finished he peeked up at me for approval. Our eyes met, and if I were a bystander then I'd have seen the nearly identical smiles that formed on our lips. **

"Well then… let's move on, then. Or are you two going to bang right here in front of us?" **Sasha said, breaking the tension. We all laughed, happy that the awkwardness was over.**

**I opened my mouth to speak when everyone suddenly engulfed Tommy and I in a fierce glam-group-hug. **

"Congrats, guys…"

"I'm happy for you…"

"Just don't keep me up at night now!"

"I'm glad it worked out…"

_Everyone nearly tackled us, burying Adam and I in their love and acceptance. Never had I been so happy. Words of congratulations and happiness echoed in the cold hallway._

_ We were together, and everyone was okay with it._

_ The sky wasn't falling._

_ The world wasn't ending._

_ I, Tommy Ratliff, was Adam Lambert's boyfriend and everyone I loved was happy for me._

_ That night, Adam and I lay awake in his bed on the tour bus, staring at the ceiling and just being with each other. _

**We'd been waiting too long for this fantasy to become reality… but now… this is happening. The future is uncertain, but I trust in my instincts, the sudden realizations. The fire in side of us cannot be cooled.**

_ This is an unfamiliar emotion for me, but still we share whispered words in the dark. The fear is silent and oppressive, but each morning when I wake in his arms I find myself falling deeper and deeper._

**This is a time for listening, for talking it out. We needed time, we needed to keep each other a secret… but… No matter what…**

_We can't let each other go. Everything I see reminds me of him: the birds in the sky, the flowers along the road, the moon at night… He's everything that I want, everything that has been missing from my life… and now we are together at last. _

** At times I've felt pretty busted up, but I have to stay strong. That's what lovers do. I have to keep it cool even when I'm overwhelmed, when life seems shattered and I feel so broken and empty. **

_ At times I've thought: This has to stop… Something's wrong here… but he always comes through for me, and we drink it all away with love as our wine and our arms as our glasses. We won't let hate tear us apart._

** None of the hate or prejudice is our fault, but who's to blame. One must simply learn to expect the unexpected. Sometimes we just have to be quiet. **

_I know I'm weak. He's my solid stone, my foundation. Without him I'd be like a lost puppy: alone in the world. _

** Once, when I thought about him it broke my heart.**

** Now I think about him and know we'll never be apart. **


End file.
